How to Save a Life
by rentheadperson525600
Summary: What happens after Aria sees that Nicole is alive on the news? Will she and Ezra work things out? Rated T for safety. Title is the name of my favorite song by THEIR favorite band, The Fray. Chapter titles are from lines in the song.
1. Lay Down a List of What Is Wrong--Aria

_(Author's Note: Yes, I realize that there are a few of these floating around. Stories about what people think might happen with Ezra and Aria in about a month and a half when our favorite show comes back on for its final 10 episodes. So this is me throwing mine into the mix. Except this isn't even remotely what I think will happen. Based on what I've seen so far with the Ezra/Aria story line this season, I get the feeling that the writers are going to make me really mad at Ezra before we get any sort of resolution of this ridiculous Nicole story line. Frankly, this whole story line is pissing me off because I just feel like it's completely pointless and it's the writers creating drama for the sake of creating drama. Anyway, this is more what I_ _ **want**_ _to happen. First, I want to see Aria completely go off on Ezra. Because I'm sorry; I love Ezra, I do, but that was a dick move. Telling his fiancée that he wanted her to be waiting at home for him and then letting her find out on live TV that he hadn't even gotten on his plane because the FBI had found his long-lost girlfriend rather than paying her the common courtesy of a phone call or even a text message. Second, I want an_ _ **epic**_ _reunion scene where he tells her all over again how much he loves her and how much she means to him and asks her to marry him again. Anyway, the thought crossed my mind today after watching the promo for the final 10 episodes that even though there's probably no way in hell I'm going to get what I want from my favorite couple on this show [the only relationship I really care about on this show at all, honestly], there was no reason I couldn't write it. So here it is. Eventually from both of their points of view. I do not own the small scene in the beginning of Aria's side of this story that you probably recognize. And, naysayers, before you jump down my throat, go watch it again. When Aria rewinds the news clip, Ezra_ _ **DOES NOT**_ _kiss Nicole. If you listen to what the newscaster is saying during the part where Aria thought she saw the kiss when she first watched it, after she rewinds it and plays it again, he's holding her face but their mouths are at least a foot apart during the same part of the newscaster's dialogue.)_

Chapter One  
 _Lay Down a List of What Is Wrong_

 **Aria**

"I understand your concern, but I am not authorized to give out that information to anyone…" the lady at the airline was saying.

"I'm his fiancée!" I told her for the fifteenth time.

"…other than to a spouse or family member," she continued, like I hadn't even said anything. "I can transfer to our manager Lisa Ridenour, but…"

And then I lowered the phone. Because now I saw _exactly_ why Ezra hadn't gotten home yet. He hadn't gotten home because he'd never gotten on the plane at all. They'd found Nicole. And he was there to greet her as she ran out of the jungle. Of course. I understood that, but why hadn't he called to tell me? He'd asked me to be home waiting for him. Couldn't he call or even text to tell me what was going on?

Wait…had he actually just kissed her on live television? Really? I was frozen in shock for a moment, processing everything. Thinking of a life without him. Now that Nicole was alive, it was all too obvious now that I was no more important to him than the scum on the bottom of his shoe. I would always take a backseat to her. Maybe I'd meant this much to him once. Oh, who was I kidding? No, I hadn't. He'd written an entire novel about his love for her. And like an idiot, I'd helped him write it. What had he written for me? A poem. A stupid freaking poem that made no sense. When we'd first met. Since we'd gotten more serious, nothing.

This all flashed through my mind in an instant before I realized that maybe I'd been imagining things. Yes, it was definitely him up on that television screen. But had he really kissed her or was I just being paranoid? I rewound the news and played it again. Okay, no, he hadn't kissed her. That was something at least.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't enough. Not even close. He had asked me to marry him. To share my life with him. And I'd given up _everything_ for him. Everything. I'd given up my job, my life in Boston, my sanity, and my relationship with a safe and stable guy who thought the world of me. I'd even put aside all of my fears and jealousy and insecurities to cash in the airline tickets we'd bought to go to Tuscany _to get married_ so he could go to Columbia and get the closure he needed. I'd done that because I cared more about him than I cared about myself. He knew how much this was killing me, sitting here at home waiting. Not even knowing what I was waiting for. And he'd asked me to be here at home waiting for him when he'd thought he was coming home earlier today. Clearly he'd found out about Nicole somehow. Through a phone call or text message or something. But apparently I wasn't important enough to him for him to bother to pay me the same courtesy the FBI had paid him.

Instead he'd left me at his loft waiting with a romantic candlelit dinner to try to cheer him up like an idiot. Getting worried sick that his plane had crashed or that A.D. had somehow intercepted the taxi he'd said he would take home and killed him. Calling every hospital from here to Philadelphia to see if he was in the emergency room or, God forbid, the morgue. Calling the airline, trying to keep back tears while I was talking to some bimbo who was so hung up on airline policy that she couldn't tell a worried fiancée whether or not the man she was about to marry had boarded an airplane. He'd let me find out he was alive and still in Columbia on the news. That was how important I was to him. He hadn't even bothered to pick up the phone to call or text me. It was all too clear to me now where I stood in the grand scheme of things. Oh, I was fine. I was a great backup rather than having to spend the rest of his life alone. But once the girl he had traveled the world with and experienced new and different things with had returned, I was back to being his former student who he'd been stupid enough to get romantically involved with. I was a consolation prize and nothing more. I saw that now.

In tears at this point, I went into the bedroom and emptied out the dresser drawer he'd cleared out for me. I took every stitch of clothing out of the drawer, every pair of shoes out of the closet, everything. And, sobbing hysterically, I grabbed my wedding dress out of the back of the closet. The dress I would never wear. Then I went into the bathroom and got all of my products out of the shower and medicine cabinet. I threw everything in a garbage bag, because I didn't have a suitcase here anymore. Not that wasn't packed. Right. I needed to grab my packed suitcase from the trip to Italy that would never happen.

And then I went and got a piece of paper out of the printer and grabbed a big, black Sharpie. I wanted to make sure he saw this. Barely able to see through my tears, I wrote one sentence on the page.

 _I hope you two are happy together._

I put the piece of paper on the pillow on what had been my side of the bed. And then, with shaking hands, I took my engagement ring off and put it on the paper.

I'd never been so relieved when I got the call from the girls telling me that they had new evidence pointing to A.D. and that we needed to go follow the trail of breadcrumbs that we'd been left. Because I honestly hadn't thought past getting every last item I owned out of Ezra's loft. I didn't know where to go. What to do. I didn't know how to do this. I didn't know how to not be engaged to him anymore. Part of me knew it was ridiculous. Because we'd only been engaged for a week and a half. And we'd only been back together for a grand total of three weeks. But just like that, instantly, he'd become my whole world again.

I wasn't even really paying attention to what happened in that creepy old house that night. Not until I heard the gunshot. Not until I saw Spencer lying there bleeding on the floor. And heard Mary Drake saying that she was Spencer's birth mother. What in the hell? I couldn't…I just couldn't deal with this. I couldn't deal with one of my best friends lying here dying. I couldn't deal with my fiancé not even bothering to call me to break up with me. I just…I wished I had been the one who had been shot. Because I didn't even want to be alive anymore. I'd never been this miserable in my life.

As my friends and I sat crying in the waiting room, waiting for news, my phone rang. I checked, and who else would it be? Of course it was Ezra. The nerve. What, was he calling to rub it in now? What an asshole. I declined the call. He called back not even thirty seconds later. I declined it again. And he just called back again. And I declined it again.

"Aria, you know you're going to have to talk to him at some point, right?" Hanna said quietly.

"Some point is not now," I told her as I declined a fourth call. "I have more important things to deal with now. Like not knowing what the hell is happening with Spencer."

This time my phone buzzed with a text. I sighed as I checked it.

 _Aria, please call me. Please._

I shook my head.

"Aria, at least text him back," Emily said.

"Why?" I countered. "He couldn't be bothered to call or text me when he found out Nicole was alive. So why should I text him now? I'm going to let him sweat."

"What good is that going to do?" Alison countered. "You know you're only putting off the inevitable."

"I'm in the hospital waiting to hear if one of my best friends is alive or dead," I snapped. "Despite what he thinks, he's not the center of the damn universe."

Emily's phone rang a minute later and she stood up and walked away to answer it. She came back a minute later, but didn't say anything. She didn't have to, though. Because not ten minutes later, who walked into the waiting room but Ezra?

"Emily, tell me you didn't have anything to do with this," I said slowly. "Tell me that wasn't him on the phone a few minutes ago."

"If you're not going to be an adult and face him on your own, someone has to do it for you," she said sternly. "After everything you two have been through, you owe him this much. Just talk to the man. I'm not trying to tell you what to do about your relationship, but if it really is over, you need to tell him face-to-face."

"Well, someone else I know wasn't enough of an adult to realize that he had people at home who were worried sick about him," I said, looking right at him as I was talking. Tears started to form in my eyes again. "And wasn't enough of an adult to realize that he owed his fiancée a phone call when he knew he wouldn't be getting on an airplane to come home."

Ezra didn't say anything, but he looked like…I didn't even know what he looked like. I'd never seen this look on his face before.

"Guys, let's give them some privacy," Hanna said quietly. "They've got a lot to talk about."

"No, don't—" I tried, but they all got up and walked away without another word.

I didn't really want to be alone with Ezra right now. I didn't trust myself. I didn't know if I would be able to stand my ground and keep my dignity intact. Because what I wanted more than anything else right now was a hug from him. For him to tell me that everything was going to be alright, that Spencer was going to be fine, that somehow things would work themselves out. But I couldn't let that happen. I just…I couldn't.

"Aria, listen—" Ezra started as he sat down next to me.

Oh, now I was supposed to listen to him? That was rich.

"No, you listen, Ezra!" I cut him off. "And you listen good. Do you have _any idea_ what I have been through in the last forty-eight hours? Any clue? I've been through thinking Hanna had been kidnapped by the latest in a long line of faceless monsters who have tortured us over the years. I've been through you telling me that you wanted me to be waiting at home for you when you got off of your flight, which you were supposed to be on over twenty-four hours ago. I've been through being sick worrying that your plane had crashed, or that the person who was torturing me and my friends had somehow intercepted the cab you had taken home from the airport and hurt or killed you. I've been through calling every hospital from here to Philadelphia trying to see if you were in the emergency room or the morgue. I've been through calling the airline to see if you had even made it on to your flight at all and having them tell me _nothing._ Nothing. Did you know that they can't release information about their passengers to anyone other than a spouse or immediate family member? And since I'm neither, they couldn't tell me a damned thing. Oh, and then, while I was on the phone arguing with this woman trying to get her to turn into a human being instead of a robot and realize that there was a real person who was worried sick about the man she loved on the other end of her phone, I got to see _on live television_ that they'd found Nicole. Because you couldn't even pay the woman you were about to marry the common courtesy of a phone call or even a _text message_ to tell her that yourself. You let me find out on the damned news. I gave up my entire life for you, and you couldn't even be bothered to call me and tell me they'd found her and you weren't coming home. Oh, and to top it all off, I've been through watching one of my best friends get shot and almost bleed out lying on the floor in front of me. And I've been sitting here for hours without any word at all. I have no idea if Spencer is alive or dead. So forgive me if I can't be happy for you that the woman you really love is alive and well and that you're going to get your happily ever after. Because my entire world just fell apart."

Ezra was quiet for a minute or so before he spoke again.

"Aria," he said softly, touching my arm.

"Don't you _dare_ touch me," I said through my tears, my voice shaking.

He looked heartbroken as he lowered his hand.

"Will you please let me talk for a minute?" he asked quietly.

"You have sixty seconds," I said, my voice still shaking. "Starting now."

"I'm such an ass," he said, tears coming to his eyes. "I wasn't even thinking. I got that call literally two minutes after we disconnected from the video chat. Honestly, I still had a while before my flight. I thought I'd still be able to make my flight back home. I didn't think it would take so long. So I went back to the office, thinking that Nicole would already be there. That I'd be able to see she was alive, say what I needed to say, and come back home. But when I got there, they told me that they were still in the middle of the jungle with the search party. That they hadn't even gotten out yet. I pulled out my phone to call you, but there was no service in the building. The entire time we were in the Jeep on the way to meet the search party, I kept checking my phone, praying that there would be service so I could call you or at least text you. But there was none the entire way there."

"Right," I scoffed.

"I swear to God, Aria," Ezra said, his voice breaking. "I'm telling you the truth. I wanted to call you. I wanted that more than anything. I was thrilled that they'd found Nicole alive, but you were always the first person I was thinking of. And then everything happened so fast once I got there. I barely registered that there were news cameras as I was getting out of the Jeep before she was running out of the woods. Of course I hugged her, regardless of the fact that we were on live television. How could I not? And for a second, I forgot that you were sitting at home watching the news with bated breath. I didn't realize until a couple of minutes later that you'd probably seen that and thought that I hadn't cared enough to call. I felt like such an idiot. Nicole immediately saw that something was wrong and asked what it was. Cameras were still on us, and I just told her I'd tell her later. So they took her back to the office to get her statement. I went with them, and I was still checking my phone the entire time for service. Nothing. I even restarted it a few times just to make sure."

"You actually expect me to believe that, in the middle of a huge city, there wasn't any cell phone service?" I spat. "I'll buy in the middle of the jungle, but you're telling me there wasn't a bar of service anywhere in Bogotá? Really?"

"There wasn't," he said. "I found out when we got back to the office that there was a power outage in the whole city. Knocked out all the cell towers. They were running on generators at the FBI office. It's a third world country. Apparently that's a regular occurrence there. And I asked, but they wouldn't let me use a phone in the office to call you."

"Whatever," I said, still sobbing. I was hearing him, sort of, but none of this was anything that sounded remotely like an apology. Nothing that made me think he felt any remorse for putting me through hell.

"Look, as soon as they were done talking to Nicole, her parents wanted to see her. But I was the only person she wanted to talk to. And I knew she and I needed to talk before I could come home. What I wasn't expecting was for her to tell me she still loved me and I was the only person she thought of for the entire time she was in the jungle. She was apologizing over and over again for not getting in that Jeep with me," Ezra told me, tears streaming down his face at this point.

"I get it, Ezra," I told him. "I helped you write that book, remember? I know how you feel about her. I know I can't compete with that. And I'm not going to try to."

"Look, I know my minute is long past up, but will you please let me finish?" he pleaded.

I just shrugged my shoulders. He was going to keep talking no matter what I said anyway.

"It broke my heart hearing that," Ezra continued. "Because I knew I was about to break hers even worse. I told her that I didn't blame her for not leaving with me. That none of what happened was her fault. And then I told her that I'd grieved for her and moved on. And that I was engaged to someone I'd never stopped loving. The person _she_ was always trying to compete with. You."

"What?" I asked, not quite processing what he'd just said.

"You heard me. I never stopped loving you, Aria. And it was always a huge problem between me and Nicole. Because she was always telling me she couldn't compete with you. No matter what, even if this hadn't happened, even if she hadn't been kidnapped, it would only have been a matter of time once you came back into my life. You're the most incredible person I've ever known, Aria. You're braver than I'll ever be and you put everyone else's happiness before your own. You cashed in our tickets to go get married because you cared more about me getting closure than you cared about what you wanted. I don't know anyone else who would do that. Not just for me, but for anyone."

"Look, Ezra, I appreciate you telling me this, but it's not as easy as that. You never once called me or texted me or used the Wi-Fi in the airport to email me or even send me a Facebook message. And now you expect to come home and say a few nice things and have everything be better?" I said, still more upset than I'd ever been in my life.

"I didn't use the airport Wi-Fi because I didn't have time to," he told me. "When I got to the airport, I booked the first flight out of there. Which I literally had time to rush through security and run to the terminal for. There was nothing I wanted more than to get back home to you. I knew you'd be upset with me after seeing the news, but I had no idea how upset. You have no idea what it felt like to walk in the door and find all of your stuff gone and that note and your engagement ring on the pillow. I realized then that it was going to take a lot more work than I thought to make this right. And I'll do whatever it takes, for however long it takes. Because you are the only person I can imagine spending my life with. I don't know how to do this without you. I don't know how not to be with you. I am so sorry I wasn't here for you while you and your friends were going through whatever it was that lead to Hanna disappearing and Spencer getting shot. If you'd told me, I would have been on the first plane out of there, regardless of whether I thought there was a chance they would find Nicole."

I just stared at Ezra like a deer in headlights. I was still in shock. I couldn't think. I couldn't form words.

"Look, I know you're hurt and upset right now, but will you please let me give you a hug?" he asked me softly. "Please?"

I couldn't do this anymore. Because I was right there with him. I didn't know how to do this either. I didn't know how not to love him. It wasn't possible. As upset as I was, I had never stopped loving him. I nodded.

"Come here," he whispered, awkwardly pulling me into his arms over the armrest on these plastic waiting room seats.

I just let myself melt into his embrace...until he let go. I was confused for a second, but then he stood up and went to kneel in front of me, pulling me down onto my knees in his attempts to get me as close as possible to him. Once again, I melted into his embrace. I didn't care about how ridiculous we probably looked to everyone around us, kneeling here on the floor in the middle of the waiting room.

"I'm so sorry, Aria," Ezra whispered right into my ear. "I should never have let you think for a second that she still meant anything to me."

I pulled back to look at him.

"I know she does, Ezra," I told him. "Don't try to tell me differently. If she didn't mean anything to you, that book we just got done writing wouldn't be at the publisher right now. She obviously means a lot to you. I got a poem. Not even fifty words. She got an entire novel."

He chuckled. "I tried to write about you. I tried for years. Even while we were apart. Even while I was with Nicole. But every time I tried, nothing felt right. Words don't exist to describe my feelings for you."

I chuckled a little too. God, how insecure could I get? Really? Looking back on that day at the airport, he'd been trying to tell me something before he left. But I hadn't let him. Now I had to know.

"The day I dropped you off at the airport, you were going to tell me something," I sniffled.

"And you didn't let me," he finished for me. "I was going to tell you that no matter what happened in Columbia, it wouldn't change anything. I knew why you wouldn't let me tell you that. You didn't want me to feel obligated to honor something I said before I knew one way or the other about her. But you're not an obligation, Aria. You're the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with. And I should have made you hear that before I left."

I didn't say anything else. I just kept crying. And he just held me for a little while and let me cry, occasionally kissing my head.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered again after about ten minutes. "I love you."

I couldn't fight it anymore. I couldn't fight him. I couldn't fight this.

"I love you too," I said through my tears.

"Will you please come home with me?" he asked.

"I can't," I reminded him. "Spencer—"

"Is still in surgery," he cut me off. "And your friends are still here. I'm sure they'll call you as soon as they know anything. I don't care if you keep your phone glued to your hand the entire time. I understand you're worried about her. But there's something else we still need to talk about, and I don't want to have that conversation in the middle of a hospital waiting room."

I didn't know what else there was to say, really. But I also didn't want to leave him right now. This was the first time since he'd left that I really felt safe.

I nodded. "I'm going to go tell them I'm leaving."

Ezra nodded too. "Okay."

He kissed my forehead softly. I could tell he was purposely avoiding giving me a real kiss. He knew I was still upset, and I was sure he didn't want our first kiss after he got back to be like this. And I didn't want that either. But as much as I was trying, I couldn't completely stop being upset with him. Not yet. I sighed and got up from the floor to walk over to the other side of the waiting room, where my friends were waiting.

"Well?" Hanna asked as I walked up to them.

I sniffled and took a deep breath, trying to will myself to stop crying.

"Look, Ezra and I still have a lot to talk about," I told them. "So we're going to leave for a little bit. I've got my phone on. And I want you guys to call me the second you hear anything. We'll be back as soon as we can."

"Take all the time you need," Emily said. "We'll call if there's any news."

"Okay, thanks," I said, taking another breath. "I'll see you soon."

I turned and walked back over to Ezra, who looked like he was still heartbroken sitting there in the chair. I didn't understand why. Until I realized that the other thing we still had to talk about was…well, us. Yes, we'd both said that we loved each other, but that was far from having a conversation about what was going to happen to us now.

"All good?" he asked me.

I nodded. "They'll call if they hear anything."

Ezra stood up and held out his hand.

"Come on," he said.

I hesitantly took his hand and let him lead me out to his car. We were both silent on the way back to the Brew. I didn't want to be the first to say anything, because I wasn't quite sure what to say really. I still wasn't sure if we could just start up again like nothing had happened. But I'd let him say his piece. Whatever he clearly still had to say. I'd hear him out. And then I'd make my decision.

When we got there, I immediately noticed a ton of lit candles everywhere inside. I had to smile a little. He'd done that for me, probably even before he called.

"You know that's a fire hazard, right?" I chuckled. "Leaving those lit with no one here?"

"That's why I have insurance," he retorted, chuckling too, as he unlocked the door and held it open for me.

I walked in and turned back around to look at him when I heard the door lock behind us. He looked more nervous than I'd ever seen him before. It didn't take a genius to realize why. But I still wasn't going to be the first one to say anything. This was all up to him.

"I know you've spent the last half hour listening to me talk, but there's so much more I need to say," he said, his voice shaking a little. "Will you hear me out? Please?"

I nodded. "Yes. I'm listening."

Ezra took a deep breath and looked like he was trying to collect his thoughts.

"I can't believe it was less than two weeks ago that I did this the first time," he started. "With everything that's happened since then, it feels like another lifetime ago. And I realize something now. Despite all my careful planning, spending three whole days trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say to you and how I wanted to say it, I still screwed it up. When I got home three hours ago and found every trace of you gone from the loft upstairs, except for a note on the pillow telling me that you hoped I was happy with Nicole with the ring you agreed to wear less than two weeks ago sitting on top of it, I went over everything in my head with a fine-toothed comb and a magnifying glass. I tried to figure out how you could possibly have thought that her being alive would change anything for me. And then I realized exactly why you would have thought that.

"The first time I did this, I told you that I finally felt like I could breathe again when you walked in the door after we'd spent so long apart. That was true. It was also true that I was grieving the loss of someone I cared about very much. Someone who never wanted to hurt anyone, who devoted her life to helping people, and who I looked up to in a lot of ways. Yes, someone I even tried to tell myself I was in love with.

"But the truth is, Aria, that the feeling of not really being able to breathe goes way further back than when Nicole was kidnapped. The first time I remember feeling that way was years earlier. When Charlotte took you and your friends. When I spent every second of three weeks working with Toby, Caleb, and Alison trying to find you. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't catch a breath. I was so sure I'd lost you. And when you ran out of that burning dollhouse and into my arms, for the first time since I'd found out you were gone, I could breathe again. It didn't matter that you'd already broken up with me because you knew you were leaving to go to college. Hell, you'd broken up with me because _I'd_ suggested it. But I didn't care. All I cared about was that you were there with me again.

"It's the second time I felt like that that I need you to understand, though. Because it's the time that really matters. The second time I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs was when I watched you walk out that door…" he pointed behind him to the door of the business "…after coming here to tell me goodbye on the day you left for Savannah. Because it was you walking out of my life. As soon as you couldn't see, I went upstairs to my loft and cried my eyes out for hours. I honestly didn't know how I was supposed to function without you as a part of my life. It was at that moment that I realized I'd made a huge mistake. I'd tried to be selfless with you and let you go because I thought that was what was best for you. But it wasn't until right then that I realized how much it would hurt. I wasn't really the same after that. Yes, Nicole made the pain more bearable, but she was like…like a rescue inhaler for someone with severe asthma. She helped me to survive being without you, but it wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.

"When you walked back into my loft a few months ago, it was the first time in over five years that I actually could take a full breath. You weren't a rescue inhaler. You cured the asthma completely. And I knew right then and there that I couldn't let you get away again, no matter what. I knew I had so many obstacles to overcome. I knew I had to clean my act up. Because, let's face it, I'd turned into that guy. The town drunk that none of the bars would even serve alcohol to."

I chuckled, remembering that time at the Radley that he'd tried to order a beer and Ashley Marin had come over to tell him that he knew good and well that she couldn't serve him alcohol.

Ezra chuckled too. "I also knew you'd moved on. You'd built a life without me. You had a boyfriend. And as much as it killed me, I knew I couldn't try to come between the two of you. But when I skipped town to try to get some perspective on what was happening right after you got back, after Charlotte was killed, and you thought I'd gone off the rails and tried to cover for me with the publisher by starting to ghost write that novel for me, I realized that there was hope. You still cared about me, at least in some capacity. And I jumped at the opportunity to try to help you get something I knew you wanted…by getting to work closely with you. I hoped and prayed it would work. And it did. It worked like a charm. It brought you back to me. I knew I couldn't take the chance of letting you get away again. I had to ask you to marry me. More than that, I had to convince you to marry me immediately. The idea of eloping was never about avoiding the headache of wedding planning or the family drama. It was because I didn't want to wait a second longer than I absolutely had to wait to marry you. Honestly, I was feeling more than a little insecure about this. About us. It felt too good to be true. And then the FBI knocked on my door right as we were getting ready to leave to start our life together. The life I was so desperate to start as soon as I possibly could. When they told me there was a chance Nicole was alive, I realized I needed the closure. I knew I needed to close that chapter of my life, really close it, before I could start a new one with you.

"And then you told me when I got back from the FBI's office that you'd deleted the call that looked like it was from Nicole. Yes, I was angry. I was angry because it felt like rather than starting a new life together, we were falling back into old patterns. Keeping things from each other when we thought the other person wouldn't like something. Just like I kept the book I was writing from you when you were high school. Logically, I knew why you'd done it. You'd explained yourself. But I just couldn't get past it. I even knew I had no room to be angry with you for it after I'd done something so much worse to you, betrayed your trust in a much worse way, years before. But still, I couldn't get past the fact that you'd kept something that huge from me. And yes, for a split second, I thought to myself that Nicole and I had never had any secrets from each other. That maybe it would be simpler with her.

"It was Emily who made me come back to my senses. She came over here and told me that she was the one who told you to delete that call. That her mother had something similar happen a few months after her father died and that it had only caused her mother pain. That you were trying to spare me the pain of false hope that Nicole might be alive. It was never about you trying to hide the possibility of her being alive from me. It was about you not believing that there was a possibility of it at all and not wanting me to believe it only to have to grieve for her all over again. And then Emily said something that made me think. She told me that even though it felt like the possibility of Nicole being alive changed everything, I couldn't let it. I couldn't let it change the fact that you and I love each other. That I'd asked you to marry me less than a week before.

"I realized almost immediately that she was right. I planned on telling you about that conversation that night when you walked in the door. But then you told me that you'd cashed in our tickets to Italy so I could go to Columbia to be there when the rescue team got back. I could read between the lines. You wanted me to figure out what I really wanted. Who I really wanted. Even if it meant losing me, you cared about my happiness more than you cared about yourself. Like I said at the hospital, I don't know anyone else who would do that. I don't know anyone else who would be that selfless, to let the man who had literally _just_ proposed to her go to another country to find out if the girl he'd dated years before was still alive. That was why I didn't know what to say when you handed me that plane ticket. And that was what made me realize that I'd already made my decision, regardless of what I would find out on that trip to Columbia."

Ezra took a deep breath and pulled a ring box out of his pocket as he walked over to stand right in front of me. The same ring box he'd pulled out almost two weeks ago.

"God, I hope this is the last time I have to do this," he said in a shaking voice as he got down on one knee for the third time in less than two weeks and opened the box to reveal my ring. "Aria Marie Montgomery, I am utterly, completely, and hopelessly in love with you. I have been since the day I met you all those years ago. And I don't ever want to spend another day without you as long as I live. Will you please do me the incredible honor of marrying me?"

…Wow. Just…wow. I didn't know what to say. Except for one thing. The most important thing. I took a deep breath and willed myself to stop crying, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Yes," I said in a raspy voice, barely able to talk after spending God knew how long crying. "Yes, Ezra, I will marry you."

Ezra breathed a sigh of relief and smiled as he slid the ring back on my finger where it belonged and kissed my hand. He stood up, wrapped one arm around my waist, pulled me close against him, and wiped the fresh tears that had started to fall from my cheeks with his other hand. And just as he was about to kiss me, my phone rang. We both chuckled, and he kissed my forehead.

"Answer it," he instructed. "It's okay. I'm worried about her too."

I chuckled again as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and hit the button to accept Emily's call.

"This better be good, Em," I said, still chuckling. It didn't help that Ezra hadn't let go of me and had just kissed my forehead again.

"I take it your talk went well?" she laughed.

"I'll tell you later," I told her. "So what's happening?"

"Spencer's out of surgery," she told me. "She made it through. But she's still asleep and she can't have any visitors until the morning. Which, judging by the sound of your voice, is a good thing. I take it you two worked things out?"

"Look, I'll tell you about it in the morning, okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Emily chuckled. "We'll see you tomorrow. Now, go enjoy your evening with your fiancé. I assume he asked you again?"

I just laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Emily."

And then I hung up before she could try to drag anything else out of me and turned my phone off. No more interruptions tonight.

"Well?" Ezra asked.

"She's out of surgery. But no visitors until tomorrow. Which means we have the rest of the night to ourselves," I told him.

"Thank God for that," he breathed.

And then his lips were on mine, and within about ten seconds he was picking me up and carrying me upstairs to his loft. Our loft.


	2. Lay Down a List of What Is Wrong--Ezra

_(Author's Note: Okay, so initially this was just going to be a two-shot, the same series of events from both Aria's and Ezra's points of view. But then I realized that there was so much more I could do with this story. After this, it's just going to go back and forth between their points of view, but I felt like this particular part was so important that we needed to see it from both sides. So, yes, the second half of this chapter is almost the same. Except you get to see what's going through Ezra's head during their conversation instead. Anyway, enjoy. And I'm just as interested as you are to see where my brain takes this story. Sometimes it just gets carried away with itself. Like what happened with the story I just finished up. Ended up in a completely different place from where I'd originally planned for it to go.)_

Chapter Two  
 _Lay Down a List of What Is Wrong_

 **Ezra**

I sighed as I signed off of Skype. This had been an exhausting few days. Waiting, wondering, worrying. Barely able to sleep at all, taking non-showers in a dive hotel because that was all I could afford on this last minute trip. And doing some serious thinking about what in the hell I was going to say to Aria.

I hadn't been lying to her. I understood why she'd deleted that call. And I knew she probably wouldn't have done it without the prodding from Emily. But at the same time, it was definitely something we needed to talk about when I got home. Because this couldn't become a thing. Not again. We couldn't fall back into the old patterns of not telling each other things because they weren't easy. We were about to get married. We couldn't have secrets from each other. Not like that.

Also, I realized, I would have to explain myself. Explain _why_ I had needed this closure so badly. Explain that, even though I'd grieved for Nicole and moved on, this had always been there lingering in the back of my mind. What if she was alive still? What if I had a chance to say the things I never got to say to her? The things I'd been wishing I could say for three years. This trip had meant the possibility of really putting all of this behind me, once and for all. But it was still unresolved. And, I realized, I would have to make peace with that all over again.

My phone rang. I checked, and it was a Columbia number. And only the FBI office here had that number. Which meant they'd found something. One way or the other.

"Hello?" I answered, sounding as drained as I felt.

"Hello, Mr. Fitz?" came a male voice with a thick New York accent.

"Yes, this is he," I said.

"I'm so glad we caught you before you left," he told me. "This is Agent Dawson with the FBI. The search parties found someone else in the jungle. They found Nicole Gordon."

I froze for a second. This couldn't be true. She hadn't been one of the hostages. She was dead. But wait. They'd just said they found her. They hadn't said she was alive.

"Are you sure?" I asked him. "Are you sure it's her?"

"She told us her name herself," Agent Dawson said. "It's her. She's alive."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," I said, hanging up the phone.

I checked the clock. I still had four hours until my flight was supposed to leave. I could get to the FBI headquarters and back in that time. I could talk to Nicole, say my piece, and then get back home to Aria. I wasn't going to call her again for this. I'd tell her in person when I got back home.

I walked out the door and hailed the first cab I saw, and I was back at the office at exactly the twenty-minute mark. Nicole's parents were sitting there in the front office wringing their hands. And then I realized that she wasn't here yet. They still hadn't made it out. Shit. I pulled out my phone to call Aria, but it seemed like the building was a dead zone for cell service. There wasn't a single bar of service. I couldn't even send her a text. Damn it.

"Mr. Fitz," Agent Dawson said, walking up to me. "Glad you made it back. We're just heading out to meet the search party now. Would you like to join us?"

I nodded, unable to speak. I couldn't really form words right now. I'd been such an idiot. Why in the hell hadn't I just called my fiancée before I came back here? Really? I was sitting there upset with her for deleting a damned phone call off of my cell phone, and I hadn't called her to tell her that the woman she'd sent me here to find had been found. Alive. I was such a hypocrite.

"Ezra," Mrs. Gordon said quietly as I went to sit down a few seats away from her. "What's on your mind? Nicole's alive. You should be happy."

"I am," I assured her. "I'm thrilled that she's alive. But that girl I told you about? The one I told you had helped me to recover from losing Nicole? Aria?"

"Yes?" she prodded.

"I wasn't completely honest with you about where she and I are in our relationship," I sighed. "As soon as I got back to Rosewood, I asked her to marry me. And she said yes. We, uh…we were actually on our way out the door to elope to Tuscany when the FBI knocked on my door and told me there was a chance Nicole could still be alive. Aria was the one who sent me here. She cashed in our tickets to Italy to get me the ticket."

"And Nicole being alive doesn't change anything for you," she finished. "You've grieved for her and moved on. I understand that. It's been a long time. I'm sure Nicole will understand too. And she'll appreciate that you came here and told her in person."

"It's more than that," I said. "Aria was always a point of contention between Nicole and I. She and I dated for a while before I even met Nicole. And the only reason we broke up was because Aria was moving away to go to a college in Georgia. I never stopped loving her, and Nicole knew that."

"And now you're worried what telling her about it is going to do to her?" Mr. Gordon asked.

"Partially," I sighed. "But more than that, I'm kicking myself right now. When Agent Dawson called me, he didn't tell me she wasn't back yet. My flight back to Philadelphia is supposed to leave in four hours, and I thought I could make it. I didn't call Aria to tell her they'd found Nicole because I thought I could come back here, talk to her for a little while, and still make my flight. I asked Aria to be at home waiting for me. And now I don't have a single bar of cell phone service to call her and tell her I'm not going to make my flight. I'm such an idiot. I should have called her at the airport."

Both Mr. and Mrs. Gordon checked their own phones to see if they had any service, and neither of them did either. And before I could ask anyone in the office if there was a phone there I could use, Agent Dawson was rounding us up and getting us in the FBI's Jeep to take us to meet the search party. I kept checking my phone for service the entire way, but nothing. I even restarted it a few times just for good measure, but nothing.

Resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be able to call Aria until I got back to town, I started thinking about what in the hell I could possibly say to Nicole. This was my chance. My one chance to say everything I always wished I could say. I had to tell her that I didn't blame her for this, that it wasn't her fault. And then I would have to tell her about Aria. That was going to be one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

Before I knew it, we were pulling up to the spot where we would meet the rescue team. I vaguely saw news cameras there, but I didn't even have time to process anything before the search party came back out…and Nicole ran out of the woods and immediately saw me.

"Ezra!" she screamed.

"Oh, my God," I said, all rational thought leaving my head as I ran up and gave her a hug, then backed up to look at her, trying to let it sink in. "Nicole. You're alive."

It wasn't until a couple of minutes passed that I suddenly realized something. The news cameras. Surely they were streaming this live. Which meant Aria would have seen it. I knew she was at home watching the news and waiting with bated breath for any word on Nicole. She would have seen it before I had a chance to call her and tell her myself. She would have thought that I just hadn't bothered to call. That it had been my conscious decision not to tell her about this myself. I was such an idiot. Why in God's name hadn't I just called her back at the airport?

"Ezra, what's wrong?" Nicole asked.

I just sighed and hugged her again. This wasn't the time. I would have to tell her about Aria, but not right now. Not while there were cameras on us and she'd literally _just_ come running out of the jungle after having been held hostage for three years.

"Nothing," I said, and then immediately regretted it. "I'll tell you later. It's not important right now."

"Okay," she said, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Nicole," Mrs. Gordon said, walking up to us. "Honey. Oh, my God."

"Mom," Nicole sobbed, leaving my arms to go to her mother.

Mrs. Gordon enveloped her daughter in an embrace and looked at me. And this one look said everything. It told me she knew. She understood. And she wasn't upset with me. She'd try to keep Nicole from me until she and I could speak privately and I could explain everything.

After giving Nicole a few minutes with her parents, the FBI took her back to their headquarters, where they fed her, let her get cleaned up, and gave her a fresh change of clothes. I went with them, still needing to talk to Nicole before I left. I tried to get cell service to call Aria again, and when someone saw me about ready to throw my phone at the wall, they told me that there was a power outage in the entire city and it had knocked out all the cell towers for miles. Unfortunately, this was a third-world country and this was a regular occurrence in this part of the world. I asked if there was a phone there I could use, and they apologized but told me that they couldn't let me make an international call. The best they could do was let me call the embassy and have them get a message to her. But I knew that would take way too long. By the time she got the message, I'd be home already. And with the power being out in the whole city, the Internet was down too, so I couldn't even use one of their computers to send Aria an email.

Agents talked to Nicole for a while about what she'd been through. When they were done, Mrs. Gordon asked me if it was okay if she went in first, kind of paved the way for me to say my piece to Nicole. I agreed that would be best. But what neither of us was expecting was for Nicole to refuse to see anyone other than me.

"It's okay, Ezra," Mrs. Gordon said. "Just ease her into it. She'll understand. She told me on the way here that she could tell there was something going on with you."

I nodded and took a few deep breaths before walking into the room to talk to Nicole.

"Hey," I said quietly. I'd never felt more awkward in my life. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," she said, chuckling a little. "But I can't sleep until I say this, Ezra. I can tell there's something wrong. And I think I know what it is. I didn't leave with you. If I'd just got into that damned Jeep with you, none of this would have happened. I'm so sorry, Ezra. I'm so sorry. I love you. I never stopped loving you. You were the only person I thought of when I was in that jungle. The entire time. I held on for you. I love you. I'm so sorry, Ezra. I should have gone with you. This wouldn't have happened if I'd just left with you."

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. Obviously, I'd known that she felt something for me still, but I hadn't realized that her time in the jungle would only serve to amplify her feelings. When I thought about it, though, I realized it shouldn't be that surprising. She'd had to hold on to something. And we were the last good thing she remembered. So of course she would have held on to us. And now I was about to shatter the delicate illusion that had kept her sane while she was held hostage in the jungle. The illusion that I'd been here just waiting for her. The illusion that we could just jump back in where we'd left off. If she'd let me, I wanted to be here for her while she tried to acclimate to life again. But as a friend, nothing more.

I sighed. "Listen, Nicole. There's something I need to tell you too. And I'm not going to rest until I say it. I know this is asking a lot, but will you just listen to me for a minute and let me get this out before you say anything?"

"Of course," she said. "I've been waiting for three years to hear your voice again."

I tried to crack a smile, but it didn't work. I was too stressed.

"I don't blame you for not leaving with me," I told her. "You were just doing what you thought was right. Trying to stay where you felt you were needed most. Never for a second did I blame you for what happened. That thought didn't even cross my mind. And I've spent the last three years grieving for you. I thought you were dead. We all did. We had a funeral. There's a headstone in a cemetery in New York with your name on it."

"God, Ezra, I'm so sorry," Nicole sniffled. "I can't even imagine what it was like for you."

"It was hell," I told her. "I spent almost three years in a very dark place. But then someone helped me come out of it. Someone I never in a million years would have thought would help me work through my grief over losing someone I loved. But this person brought me back to life. For the first time in a very long time, I could breathe again when I was around her."

"It was Aria," she said, resigned. "Wasn't it?"

I took a deep breath. This was it.

"Yes, it was," I told her. "She came back to Rosewood for a hearing involving what she went through in high school. And she'd gotten a job working for the publisher that published my book. They'd issued me an advance on another book, but after I lost you, I couldn't write anymore. So I wasn't delivering. When they found out Aria knew me, they sent her to put the pressure on me. I tried to return the advance. I hadn't even cashed the check. But a few days later, she showed back up at my door telling me that the publisher wasn't going to take the advance back. I gave her what I had written, which was one chapter. One chapter of a book that could have gone in a million different directions. And the publisher ate it up with a spoon and wanted more."

"Of course they did," Nicole said, chuckling a little. "You're a brilliant writer. You always have been."

That did get a little bit of a smile out of me. Nicole had always been so supportive of my writing.

"The thing was, though, everything was happening too fast," I told her. "The person who had put Aria and her friends through hell was released from the psychiatric hospital she'd been at and was found murdered less than twenty-four hours later. At first they thought it was a suicide, but then they realized it wasn't. And everyone who had been involved with her case five years ago was a suspect."

"Including you and Aria."

"Exactly. I'd called Aria late the night after the hearing and we just talked for hours. I saw Charlotte walking down the sidewalk as a free person, and I said something to Aria about how I couldn't believe she was allowed to breathe the free air again after what she'd done. The next morning, they found her body. I know you're not going to believe this, but I was in such a dark place at that particular point in time that Aria actually thought I'd killed her after she and I parted ways that night. So I left town for a few days. I couldn't cope. I couldn't cope with what had happened to you. I couldn't cope with Aria crashing back into my life. I couldn't cope with what had happened to Charlotte and the fact that Aria and her friends had all confronted me about whether I'd killed her.

"While I was gone, Aria called me almost every hour on the hour. But I couldn't answer her calls. I couldn't face her, not knowing what she thought of me. So I just turned my phone off and started writing again. I churned out three chapters in a week. And I came back to my loft to find Aria there waiting for me. I gave her the chapters, and then the next day she told me that she'd been submitting chapters for my book herself, trying to cover for me with the publisher."

"Wait, she was actually writing your book for you?"

"Yeah," I chuckled. "And for the first time in years, I felt hope. Hope that I could get out of this hole I'd dug myself into. And that maybe I could find the happiness I'd lost. I read what she'd written, and it was brilliant. A beautiful and intriguing love story of two people who traveled the world together. I realized that I could work through all of my grief through putting a fictionalized version of my story with you on paper. And I pitched Aria as a co-author to the publisher. Well, I did more than pitch her. I pleaded with the publisher to let her work with me on the book. Because I needed her. I needed her to keep me from getting lost in my head too much. Aria agreed to do it, to write the story from your perspective while I wrote it from my own. And in a matter of a couple of weeks, we'd written an entire novel together. But doing that made me realize something. It made me realize who I was really grieving for. And I'm sorry to tell you this, Nicole, but it wasn't you."

"It was her," Nicole finished for me. "It's always been her. How many times did I tell you I could never compete with her?"

"I know," I told her. "And you were right. You couldn't. I let her go because I thought I was doing the right thing for her. But it hurt more than you can possibly imagine. You helped me through the pain of losing her, and then she helped me through the pain of losing you. And made me realize that my pain went so much further back than that. That while I was with you, I was just trying to make myself forget about her."

"I'm happy for you, Ezra," she said. "Really, I am. I know this is what you wanted. But I have to ask you something. Why did you come here then?"

"I came because Aria sent me," I told her. "I came because she literally got me a plane ticket, drove me to the airport, and told me to go get the closure I needed."

"She's a pretty incredible person," she sighed. "I've always thought that. I never understood how someone could go through everything she did at so young an age and still come out the other side smiling. I thought about her while I was in the jungle too. I thought that if she could handle everything she was dealt in life at only seventeen years old, I could get through what those revolutionaries were doing to me and my friends."

"Really?" I asked, shocked.

"Yes, really. Look, Ezra, you've come and said your piece. And you've gotten your closure. For real this time, not from a fake headstone over an empty grave. So will you do me a favor now? Will you get your butt back on a plane to Pennsylvania and ask that girl to marry you?"

I just laughed. Not just a little chuckle. A real laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked, laughing with me.

"The fact that I've been sitting here trying to figure out a way to tell you that I already have. Last week," I laughed. "And yes, she said yes. The plane ticket she got me to come here? She cashed in the tickets we'd bought to elope to Tuscany to get it for me."

"She did what?" Nicole chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. I was speechless. Completely speechless."

"Ezra Fitz at a loss for words. I think that's a first," she teased.

"Probably," I agreed, still chuckling. "There's something I have to ask you though. You didn't escape earlier, did you? You didn't try to call me last week from your old phone?"

"No," she told me. "And even if I had escaped, they took my phone when they took me. So I wouldn't have been able to call you. Much as that would have been the first thing I wanted to do. Why?"

I sighed. "Aria told me a call came in last week from your cell phone. She deleted it at first, thinking there was no way it could possibly be you and that it would only send me back down the proverbial rabbit hole if I saw it. But then she told me about it after the FBI showed up at my door. I've been trying to figure out if it was you or someone who had your number and was trying to mess with me."

"Is it happening again? To Aria and her friends?" she asked. "After that girl was killed, did it start back up again?"

"Yes," I said slowly, and then realized the horrifying truth. Someone had been _trying_ to come between me and Aria by doing that. And like an idiot, a complete amateur, I'd let them. "Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry, but I need to leave. Now."

"Go," Nicole told me, squeezing my upper arm. "Go be with your fiancée. Um, look, if it's not asking too much, can I maybe come and pay you and Aria a visit sometime? If she'd be willing to talk to me."

"Of course you can," I told her as I stood up. "I still care about you, Nicole. Aria cares about you too, because she knows you're important to me. She wouldn't have sent me here if she didn't. And if you'll let us, we would like to be here for you in any way you need while you're trying to re-adjust to everything. As your friends."

"I appreciate that, Ezra," Nicole told me. "I think I need some distance for a while, though. I do want to come and see the two of you and talk to her, tell her thank you for sending you here and that I don't have any hard feelings towards her. But even though I know it's been three years and you've moved on, I haven't. I still love you, and I have to take time to make peace with what happened and to make peace with the fact that things will never be the way they were."

I nodded, trying to keep back tears. This hadn't gone at all the way I'd expected it to, but it was every bit as heartbreaking. Because I knew Nicole was trying to put on a brave face. Just like I'd been on that day all those years ago when Aria had come to the Brew to say goodbye to me before leaving for Savannah. I hadn't wanted to make it any worse for her by showing her how heartbroken I was at her leaving. And I knew Nicole was doing the same thing now. Trying to make this easier for me by not showing me how much this was hurting her.

"If you ever need anything, you know where to find us," I told her, giving her a kiss on the forehead. "I'm only a phone call away."

And then I turned around and walked out of the room, giving her mother a nod before I walked out of the FBI's headquarters. I asked again if there was a phone I could use to call Aria, explain myself before I got home, but again no one would let me use the phone to make an international call. So I sighed and headed back to the airport. At least there I could send her an email with the Wi-Fi, if nothing else. Or so I thought. I booked the first flight back to Philadelphia, which turned out to be a nonstop that left in half an hour. I had just enough time to get through security and sprint to the terminal, and I just barely made it onto the plane.

When I got back to Philadelphia, I checked my phone again only to find that it was dead. Damn it. I hailed a cab back to Rosewood, preparing for Aria's wrath when I walked in the door. I'd more than earned it. I'd been such a selfish jerk. I didn't know how I would ever make this up to her, but I would do whatever it took.

But when I walked into my loft, I found something so much worse than a fuming fiancée. I found every trace of Aria completely gone from the place. Every stitch of clothing, every pair of shoes, her spare phone charger that she kept on her side of the bed, the book she'd been reading at night before going to sleep, all her bathroom products, everything. Except for one thing. A note lying on her pillow, with her engagement ring sitting on top of it. I picked the ring up, letting the tears fall as I clutched it in my hand, realizing that I would be lucky if she even spoke to me again now. I might have lost her for good. As soon as I'd somewhat composed myself, I finally looked at the note.

 _I hope you two are happy together._

Sobbing, I grabbed the note and crumpled it in one of my hands as I sat down on the bed, broken. I'd lost her. I'd lost her for good, all because I hadn't tried to reassure her before I left that whether or not Nicole was alive, it wouldn't change anything. And then to top it off, I hadn't called her when I found out Nicole was in fact alive and all she'd seen was our tear-filled reunion on live television. Which meant she thought that Nicole was more important to me than anyone else. And, I realized, I knew exactly why she would have thought that. Hell, I'd even been stupid enough to say how devastated I'd been from Nicole's loss when I was _proposing_ to her and not bothered to tell her that my pain went a lot farther back than that. God, I was a moron. Despite taking all that time out of town trying to figure out what I wanted to say to Aria when I asked her that all-important question, I'd still screwed it up.

I knew it was probably futile, but I had to try to get her to hear me out again. I had to try to get her back. And I had an idea of how to do that. I found the box for her ring and put the ring back in it, put it in my pocket, and then gathered all the candles I'd lit the first time I'd proposed last week and brought them downstairs to the empty café. And I lit them all over the place. I went behind the counter, where I knew there was a phone charger, and plugged my phone in. As soon as it was charged enough that I could turn it on and make a call, I tried to call Aria. It went to voicemail almost immediately. She'd declined the call. I tried three more times, but nothing. Well, if I sent her a text she would _have_ to look at it. So I did that.

 _Aria, please call me. Please._

When another few minutes went by without a response, I realized there was someone who would take my calls. Someone who wanted Aria and I to work things out. Someone who had tried to help us mend fences before I'd even left. Emily. I dialed her number, and she answered on the third ring.

"Ezra?" she asked quietly. She sounded like she was somewhere busy, with a lot of people.

"Yes, it's me," I said, my voice breaking. "Is she with you?"

"Yeah, she's here," Emily sighed. "We all are. Spencer got shot in the chest and she's in surgery. We're in the hospital waiting room waiting for news."

Oh, Jesus H. Christ. For the love of all that was holy. How stupid could I have been, leaving Aria to deal with this mess by herself? Now one of her best friends had been shot and I'd been in a different country instead of here with her where I belonged. I should have refused to leave. I should have made it clear that she was my priority, not Nicole.

"Spencer what?" I asked. "What the hell happened?"

"I think I should let Aria tell you," she told me. "If she'll speak to you at all. I'm not going to lie, she's pretty mad at you. Like, _really_ mad."

"I worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. When everything she owned was gone from the loft and her engagement ring was sitting on her pillow when I got home," I said as I tried to keep back a sob.

"I don't think she's going anywhere anyway, but I'll make sure she doesn't leave until you get here," Emily said. "You two need to talk, and if she's not going to do it willingly, I think an intervention is in order. Just be prepared to get an earful, though."

"Oh, I'm prepared," I assured her. "I've more than earned it. You have no idea how much I appreciate this, Emily. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," she said, and then hung up.

I ran back up to the loft to grab my car keys and wallet and then ran out the door, barely remembering to lock the Brew behind me. I didn't even care about leaving the stupid candles burning. I didn't care if the place burned down. If I didn't have Aria, nothing else in my life mattered. Not my business, not any of my worldly possessions, nothing.

When I walked into the emergency room and saw Aria sitting there with her friends, tears streaming down her face, my heart broke all over again. I didn't know how the human body was built to take this much agony. I knew part of why she was upset was because of what had happened to Spencer. But I had a strong feeling that what was happening between the two of us was a much larger contributing factor. And the fact that I had any part in making her this upset made me feel like someone had just ripped the still-beating heart right out of my chest.

I could tell Aria knew I was here, but she didn't look right at me. Not at first. Instead, she looked at Emily, her eyes narrowed.

"Emily, tell me you didn't have anything to do with this," she said slowly. "Tell me that wasn't him on the phone a few minutes ago."

"If you're not going to be an adult and face him on your own, someone has to do it for you," Emily told her, talking to her like one would talk to a small child. "After everything you two have been through, you owe him this much. Just talk to the man. I'm not trying to tell you what to do about your relationship, but if it really is over, you need to tell him face-to-face."

"Well, someone else I know wasn't enough of an adult to realize that he had people at home who were worried sick about him," Aria said, her voice breaking as she looked at me for the first time. "And wasn't enough of an adult to realize that he owed his fiancée a phone call when he knew he wouldn't be getting on an airplane to come home."

I just stood there, frozen in place. I had nothing to say. Because I had no room to talk. I'd earned every bit of that and more.

"Guys, let's give them some privacy," Hanna said, barely above a whisper. "They've got a lot to talk about."

"No, don't—" Aria said, but all three of her friends got up and walked away.

I went to sit down next to this woman who I had caused unimaginable pain to. The one person in the whole world I never wanted to hurt, and I'd hurt her to her very core. I knew she didn't want to talk to me right now, but I had to make her hear me. I had to get this out somehow.

"Aria, listen—" I started.

"No, you listen, Ezra!" she spat. "And you listen good. Do you have _any idea_ what I have been through in the last forty-eight hours? Any clue? I've been through thinking Hanna had been kidnapped by the latest in a long line of faceless monsters who have tortured us over the years. I've been through you telling me that you wanted me to be waiting at home for you when you got off your flight, which you were supposed to be on over twenty-four hours ago. I've been through being sick worrying that your plane had crashed, or that the person who was torturing me and my friends had somehow intercepted the cab you had taken home from the airport and hurt or killed you. I've been through calling every hospital from here to Philadelphia trying to see if you were in the emergency room or the morgue. I've been through calling the airline to see if you had even made it on to your flight at all and having them tell me _nothing._ Nothing. Did you know that they can't release information about their passengers to anyone other than a spouse or immediate family member? And since I'm neither, they couldn't tell me a damned thing. Oh, and then, while I was on the phone arguing with this woman trying to get her to turn into a human being instead of a robot and realize that there was a real person who was worried sick about the man she loved on the other end of her phone, I got to see _on live television_ that they'd found Nicole. Because you couldn't even pay the woman you were about to marry the common courtesy of a phone call or even a _text message_ to tell her that yourself. You let me find out on the damned news. I gave up my entire life for you, and you couldn't even be bothered to call me and tell me they'd found her and you weren't coming home. Oh, and to top it all off, I've been through watching one of my best friends get shot and almost bleed out lying on the floor in front of me. And I've been sitting here for hours without any word at all. I have no idea if Spencer is alive or dead. So forgive me if I can't be happy for you that the woman you really love is alive and well and that you're going to get your happily ever after. Because my entire world just fell apart."

I had to take a minute to collect my thoughts after that. I'd earned every bit of what she'd just dished out. I really hadn't had any idea that the airline wouldn't be able to tell her whether or not I'd gotten on my flight. And the fact that she would have thought A.D. had something to do with this mess hadn't crossed my mind either. It should have. Especially after what Nicole had asked me right before I'd left. She'd specifically asked me if it had started again when I'd told her about the phone call. How could I not have realized that Aria would think the worst when my flight landed and I didn't arrive home?

"Aria," I said quietly, touching her arm, desperate for some sort of physical contact with her.

"Don't you _dare_ touch me," she sobbed, her voice shaking.

I'd earned that too. I choked back a sob as I lowered my hand. I realized that this might be it. I might not even get a chance to explain anything to her. This might very well be goodbye. And it was all my fault.

"Will you please let me talk for a minute?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

"You have sixty seconds," Aria told me. "Starting now."

"I'm such an ass," I told her, the tears I couldn't hold back anymore breaking free. "I wasn't even thinking. I got that call literally two minutes after we disconnected from the video chat. Honestly, I still had a while before my flight. I thought I'd still be able to make my flight back home. I didn't think it would take so long. So I went back to the office, thinking that Nicole would already be there. That I'd be able to see she was alive, say what I needed to say, and come back home. But when I got there, they told me that they were still in the middle of the jungle with the search party. That they hadn't even gotten out yet. I pulled out my phone to call you, but there was no service in the building. The entire time we were in the Jeep on the way to meet the search party, I kept checking my phone, praying that there would be service so I could call you or at least text you. But there was none the entire way there."

"Right," she scoffed.

Of course she didn't believe me. Why would she? I hadn't believed it at the time either. I'd sat there thinking that there had to be some mistake.

"I swear to God, Aria," I promised, my voice breaking. "I'm telling you the truth. I wanted to call you. I wanted that more than anything. I was thrilled that they'd found Nicole alive, but you were always the first person I was thinking of. And then everything happened so fast once I got there. I barely registered that there were news cameras as I was getting out of the Jeep before she was running out of the woods. Of course I hugged her, regardless of the fact that we were on live television. How could I not? And for a second, I forgot that you were sitting at home watching the news with bated breath. I didn't realize until a couple of minutes later that you'd probably seen that and thought that I hadn't cared enough to call. I felt like such an idiot. Nicole immediately saw that something was wrong and asked what it was. Cameras were still on us, and I just told her I'd tell her later. So they took her back to the office to get her statement. I went with them, and I was still checking my phone the entire time for service. Nothing. I even restarted it a few times just to make sure."

"You actually expect me to believe that, in the middle of a huge city, there wasn't any cell phone service?" Aria challenged. "I'll buy in the middle of the jungle, but you're telling me that there wasn't a bar of service anywhere in Bogotá? Really?"

"There wasn't," I explained. "I found out when we got back to the office that there was a power outage in the whole city. Knocked out all the cell towers. They were running on generators at the FBI office. It's a third world country. Apparently that's a regular occurrence there. And I asked, but they wouldn't let me use a phone in the office to call you."

"Whatever," she sobbed.

"Look, as soon as they were done talking to Nicole, her parents wanted to see her. But I was the only person she wanted to talk to. And I knew she and I needed to talk before I could come home. What I wasn't expecting was for her to tell me she still loved me and I was the only person she thought of for the entire time she was in the jungle. She was apologizing over and over again for not getting in that Jeep with me," I continued as tears streamed down my face.

"I get it, Ezra," Aria sniffled. "I helped you write that book, remember? I know how you feel about her. I know I can't compete with that. And I'm not going to try to."

She still didn't get it. Of course she didn't. Because I was doing a shit job of explaining it.

"Look, I know my minute is long past up, but will you please let me finish?" I begged.

She didn't say anything. She just shrugged her shoulders. Well, that wasn't a no. That was encouraging, sort of.

"It broke my heart hearing that," I told her. "Because I knew I was about to break hers even worse. I told her that I didn't blame her for not leaving with me. That none of what happened was her fault. And then I told her that I'd grieved for her and moved on. And that I was engaged to someone I'd never stopped loving. The person _she_ was always trying to compete with. You."

"What?"

I smiled a little. She was starting to be receptive. Maybe…no, I wouldn't let myself hope for that just yet.

"You heard me," I said. "I never stopped loving you, Aria. And it was always a huge problem between me and Nicole. Because she was always telling me she couldn't compete with you. No matter what, even if this hadn't happened, even if she hadn't been kidnapped, it would only have been a matter of time once you came back into my life. You're the most incredible person I've ever known, Aria. You're braver than I'll ever be and you put everyone else's happiness before your own. You cashed in our tickets to go get married because you cared more about me getting closure than you cared about what you wanted. I don't know anyone else who would do that. Not just for me, but for anyone."

"Look, Ezra, I appreciate you telling me this, but it's not as easy as that," Aria said, starting to calm down a little now, but clearly still hurt and upset. "You never once called me or texted me or used the Wi-Fi in the airport to email me or even send me a Facebook message. And now you expect to come home and say a few nice things and have everything be better?"

No, no I didn't. I knew this was going to be an uphill battle. But I was prepared to fight it. I would fight this battle until my last breath if that was what it took.

"I didn't use the airport Wi-Fi because I didn't have time to," I explained. "When I got to the airport, I booked the first flight out of there. Which I literally had time to rush through security and run to the terminal for. There was nothing I wanted more than to get back home to you. I knew you'd be upset with me after seeing the news, but I had no idea how upset. You have no idea what it felt like to walk in the door and find all of your stuff gone and that note and your engagement ring on the pillow. I realized then that it was going to take a lot more work than I thought to make this right. And I'll do whatever it takes, for however long it takes. Because you are the only person I can imagine spending my life with. I don't know how to do this without you. I don't know how not to be with you. I am so sorry I wasn't here for you while you and your friends were going through whatever it was that lead to Hanna disappearing and Spencer getting shot. If you'd told me, I would have been on the first plane out of there, regardless of whether I thought there was a chance they would find Nicole."

Aria didn't say anything else. She just looked at me like a deer in headlights. I wanted more than anything to be able to hold her, to reassure her that I was here now and I wasn't going anywhere, no matter what. Now that she'd calmed down a little, I decided to take the chance.

"Look, I know you're hurt and upset right now, but will you please let me give you a hug?" I tried. "Please?"

She hesitated for a second, then nodded. Oh, thank God.

"Come here," I whispered, and pulled her into my arms across the stupid metal armrest on the waiting room chair.

But that wasn't good enough. Not by a long shot. I needed to be closer. I got out of the chair and knelt down in front of her as I pulled her in for a real hug. Almost immediately, she got out of her chair and knelt down with me. I just pulled her closer and tried to will myself to stop crying. It didn't really work, but it was something. And I realized I'd never really apologized for my horrific behavior. I'd explained myself, I'd told her what happened, and I'd said I was sorry I wasn't here while she was going through whatever she'd gone through these past few days. But I hadn't actually told her I was sorry for treating her worse than I would treat the dirt on the bottom of my shoes.

"I'm so sorry, Aria," I whispered into her ear. "I should never have let you think for a second that she still meant anything to me."

Aria pulled back to look at me, tears still streaming down her face.

"I know she does, Ezra," she sighed. "Don't try to tell me differently. If she didn't mean anything to you, that book we just got done writing wouldn't be at the publisher right now. She obviously means a lot to you. I got a poem. Not even fifty words. She got an entire novel."

I had to chuckle a little. I completely understood why she would think that Nicole meant more because I'd actually written a book about her. What she didn't know was that I'd tried to write about her. But every time I went to put my feelings on paper, nothing felt right. It didn't feel like enough. So I'd abandoned my efforts completely.

"I tried to write about you," I told her. "I tried for years. Even while we were apart. Even while I was with Nicole. But every time I tried, nothing felt right. Words don't exist to describe my feelings for you."

She chuckled too and I thought I saw a hint of a smile. It was about a minute before she spoke again.

"The day I dropped you off at the airport, you were going to tell me something," she finally said.

"And you didn't let me," I remembered. "I was going to tell you that no matter what happened in Columbia, it wouldn't change anything. I knew why you wouldn't let me tell you that. You didn't want me to feel obligated to honor something I said before I knew one way or the other about her. But you're not an obligation, Aria. You're the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with. And I should have made you hear that before I left."

Aria didn't respond. She just kept crying. I pulled her back into my arms and let her drench my shirt without a word. I didn't even know what to say. I had no idea what I could possibly say that would make this better. It wasn't until about ten minutes later that I worked up the courage to ask her to come back home with me. I still needed to convince her to come back. To marry me. I needed to do this right. To say the right words to make her understand that Nicole had never meant a fraction as much to me as she did. And doing it right was not talking about this while kneeling on the floor of a hospital waiting room. But first I had to know if there was even a chance she would hear me.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered again. "I love you."

"I love you too," she sniffled.

Oh, thank God. There was hope.

"Will you please come home with me?" I asked her.

"I can't," she said, pulling back to look at me. "Spencer—"

"Is still in surgery," I reminded her. "And your friends are still here. I'm sure they'll call you as soon as they know anything. I don't care if you keep your phone glued to your hand the entire time. I understand you're worried about her. But there's something else we still need to talk about, and I don't want to have that conversation in the middle of a hospital waiting room."

It took a second, but Aria finally nodded.

"I'm going to go tell them I'm leaving," she said.

"Okay," I said, kissing her forehead.

Aria got up off the floor and walked over to the other side of the waiting room, where her friends had relocated. She wasn't even over there for a minute before she turned around and walked back over to me.

"All good?" I asked.

She nodded. "They'll call if they hear anything."

"Come on," I said, standing up and holding out my hand.

She took my hand and let me lead her out to the car without a word. Neither of us said anything on the short drive back to the Brew. I was half surprised we didn't arrive to a blazing inferno since I'd left those candles lit inside while I was gone.

"You know that's a fire hazard, right?" Aria chuckled, sniffling. "Leaving those lit with no one here?"

"That's why I have insurance," I chuckled too as I unlocked the door and held it open for her.

Aria walked in; I followed her and locked the door behind us. As soon as the lock clicked in the door, she turned back around to face me.

"I know you've spent the last half hour listening to me talk, but there's so much more I need to say," I told her, and try as I might I couldn't keep the tremor out of my voice. "Will you hear me out? Please?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes. I'm listening."

Thank God. I took a deep breath and took a moment to collect my thoughts. To make sure I didn't screw this up this time.

"I can't believe it was less than two weeks ago that I did this the first time," I said after a few seconds. "With everything that's happened since then, it feels like another lifetime ago. And I realize something now. Despite all my careful planning, spending three whole days trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say to you and how I wanted to say it, I still screwed it up. When I got home three hours ago and found every trace of you gone from the loft upstairs, except for a note on the pillow telling me that you hoped I was happy with Nicole with the ring you agreed to wear less than two weeks ago sitting on top of it, I went over everything in my head with a fine-toothed comb and a magnifying glass. I tried to figure out how you could possibly have thought that her being alive would change anything for me. And then I realized exactly why you would have thought that.

"The first time I did this, I told you that I finally felt like I could breathe again when you walked in the door after we'd spent so long apart. That was true. It was also true that I was grieving the loss of someone I cared about very much. Someone who never wanted to hurt anyone, who devoted her life to helping people, and who I looked up to in a lot of ways. Yes, someone I even tried to tell myself I was in love with.

"But the truth is, Aria, that the feeling of not really being able to breathe goes way further back than when Nicole was kidnapped. The first time I remember feeling that way was years earlier. When Charlotte took you and your friends. When I spent every second of three weeks working with Toby, Caleb, and Alison trying to find you. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't catch a breath. I was so sure I'd lost you. And when you ran out of that burning dollhouse and into my arms, for the first time since I'd found out you were gone, I could breathe again. It didn't matter that you'd already broken up with me because you knew you were leaving to go to college. Hell, you'd broken up with me because _I'd_ suggested it. But I didn't care. All I cared about was that you were there with me again.

"It's the second time I felt like that that I need you to understand, though. Because it's the time that really matters. The second time I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs was when I watched you walk out that door…" I pointed behind me to the door of the Brew "…after coming here to tell me goodbye on the day you left for Savannah. Because it was you walking out of my life. As soon as you couldn't see, I went upstairs to my loft and cried my eyes out for hours. I honestly didn't know how I was supposed to function without you as a part of my life. It was at that moment that I realized I'd made a huge mistake. I'd tried to be selfless with you and let you go because I thought that was what was best for you. But it wasn't until right then that I realized how much it would hurt. I wasn't really the same after that. Yes, Nicole made the pain more bearable, but she was like…" I tried to come up with some sort of metaphor, and did the best I could on the fly "…like a rescue inhaler for someone with severe asthma. She helped me to survive being without you, but it wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.

"When you walked back into my loft a few months ago, it was the first time in over five years that I actually could take a full breath. You weren't a rescue inhaler. You cured the asthma completely. And I knew right then and there that I couldn't let you get away again, no matter what. I knew I had so many obstacles to overcome. I knew I had to clean my act up. Because, let's face it, I'd turned into that guy. The town drunk that none of the bars would even serve alcohol to."

Aria chuckled, and I had to chuckle with her. God, I'd been a wreck when she'd come back here.

"I also knew you'd moved on," I told her. "You'd built a life without me. You had a boyfriend. And as much as it killed me, I knew I couldn't try to come between the two of you. But when I skipped town to try to get some perspective on what was happening right after you got back, after Charlotte was killed, and you thought I'd gone off the rails and tried to cover for me with the publisher by starting to ghost write that novel for me, I realized that there was hope. You still cared about me, at least in some capacity. And I jumped at the opportunity to try to help you get something I knew you wanted…by getting to work closely with you. I hoped and prayed it would work. And it did. It worked like a charm. It brought you back to me. I knew I couldn't take the chance of letting you get away again. I had to ask you to marry me. More than that, I had to convince you to marry me immediately. The idea of eloping was never about avoiding the headache of wedding planning or the family drama. It was because I didn't want to wait a second longer than I absolutely had to wait to marry you. Honestly, I was feeling more than a little insecure about this. About us. It felt too good to be true. And then the FBI knocked on my door right as we were getting ready to leave to start our life together. The life I was so desperate to start as soon as I possibly could. When they told me there was a chance Nicole was alive, I realized I needed the closure. I knew I needed to close that chapter of my life, really close it, before I could start a new one with you.

"And then you told me when I got back from the FBI's office that you'd deleted the call that looked like it was from Nicole. Yes, I was angry. I was angry because it felt like rather than starting a new life together, we were falling back into old patterns. Keeping things from each other when we thought the other person wouldn't like something. Just like I kept the book I was writing from you when you were high school. Logically, I knew why you'd done it. You'd explained yourself. But I just couldn't get past it. I even knew I had no room to be angry with you for it after I'd done something so much worse to you, betrayed your trust in a much worse way, years before. But still, I couldn't get past the fact that you'd kept something that huge from me. And yes, for a split second, I thought to myself that Nicole and I had never had any secrets from each other. That maybe it would be simpler with her.

"It was Emily who made me come back to my senses. She came over here and told me that she was the one who told you to delete that call. That her mother had something similar happen a few months after her father died and that it had only caused her mother pain. That you were trying to spare me the pain of false hope that Nicole might be alive. It was never about you trying to hide the possibility of her being alive from me. It was about you not believing that there was a possibility of it at all and not wanting me to believe it only to have to grieve for her all over again. And then Emily said something that made me think. She told me that even though it felt like the possibility of Nicole being alive changed everything, I couldn't let it. I couldn't let it change the fact that you and I love each other. That I'd asked you to marry me less than a week before.

"I realized almost immediately that she was right. I planned on telling you about that conversation that night when you walked in the door. But then you told me that you'd cashed in our tickets to Italy so I could go to Columbia to be there when the rescue team got back. I could read between the lines. You wanted me to figure out what I really wanted. Who I really wanted. Even if it meant losing me, you cared about my happiness more than you cared about yourself. Like I said at the hospital, I don't know anyone else who would do that. I don't know anyone else who would be that selfless, to let the man who had literally _just_ proposed to her go to another country to find out if the girl he'd dated years before was still alive. That was why I didn't know what to say when you handed me that plane ticket. And that was what made me realize that I'd already made my decision, regardless of what I would find out on that trip to Columbia."

I took a deep breath, and with shaking hands and sweating palms I pulled Aria's engagement ring back out of my pocket and walked over to stand right in front of her.

"God, I hope this is the last time I have to do this," I said, my voice shaking, as I got down on one knee for the third time in less than two weeks and opened the ring box. "Aria Marie Montgomery, I am utterly, completely, and hopelessly in love with you. I have been since the day I met you. And I don't ever want to spend another day without you as long as I live. Will you please do me the incredible honor of marrying me?"

Aria was silent for a second before she took a deep breath and wiped the tears that had continued to fall since we'd been here from her eyes.

"Yes," she rasped, barely above a whisper. "Yes, Ezra, I will marry you."

Oh, thank God. I breathed a sigh of relief as I slid the ring back on her finger where it belonged and kissed her hand. I stood up and put an arm around her waist, pulling her in and closing the little remaining distance between us. With my free hand, I wiped the fresh round of tears that had started to fall from her cheeks. I wished more than anything I could do something to make them stop falling, but I knew that would take time.

Just as I was about to kiss her for the first time since I'd been home, her phone rang. Of course. We both chuckled at the awful timing, and I kissed her forehead. I knew she had to answer it. I was the one who'd told her I didn't care if she kept her phone glued to her hand while we were talking.

"Answer it," I told her. "It's okay. I'm worried about her too."

Aria chuckled again as she pulled her phone out of her purse and answered it.

"This better be good, Em," she laughed.

I chuckled silently and kissed her forehead again, thrilled to realize that she actually was as happy about this as I was. She was worried about Spencer and wanted to know what was happening at the hospital, just like any good friend would, but she really did want to be with me right now.

"I'll tell you later," Aria said after a short pause. "So what's happening?"

There was another pause, and Aria shook her head at the end of it, rolling her eyes. I knew her well enough to know Emily was probably trying to drag details of our conversation out of her, and she didn't want to spend the time to tell her right now.

"Look, I'll tell you about it in the morning, okay?" she said, confirming my suspicions, and then laughed after another brief pause. "I'll see you tomorrow, Emily."

She hung up with Emily and then powered her phone off and threw it back in her purse. Clearly she didn't want to be interrupted again. And since my phone was still down here on the charger and I didn't plan on coming back down here again tonight, we didn't have to worry about hearing it ring either.

"Well?" I asked.

"She's out of surgery," Aria told me. "But no visitors until tomorrow. Which means we have the rest of the night to ourselves."

"Thank God for that," I breathed, finally going for the kiss I'd been aching for since the second I'd been home and then picking her up to carry her upstairs to our loft.


	3. Would Have Stayed Up With You All Night

Chapter Three  
 _I Would Have Stayed Up With You All Night_

 **Aria**

Ezra and I were lying in bed, completely spent but still wide awake, about four hours later when I suddenly came to a realization. Something that could be bad if we didn't deal with it soon.

"Oh, my God," I said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"What?" he asked, clearly confused.

"All the candles are still lit downstairs," I giggled.

Ezra laughed and pulled me closer by the small of my back as he kissed me. Which was going to do nothing for me letting him get out of bed. But then again I wasn't really up for round…five? Six? I'd lost count. Anyway, I was exhausted. Mentally and physically. This had been a _long_ couple of days.

"Seriously, we should probably go take care of that," I chuckled when he finally let me talk again. "Preferably before Sabrina gets here and wants to kill you for almost burning the building down."

"She won't be here for—"

"Another fifteen minutes?"

Ezra turned around to look at the time and started laughing again.

"Wow," he said. "Okay, I'll be right back."

"I'll come with," I told him. "Two of us means it'll take half as long."

"And there's espresso downstairs?" he teased.

"Well, there's that too."

He chuckled and kissed me again. His smile was killing me right now. I knew we still had a lot to talk about. I still had to tell him everything that had happened while he was gone. We still had to talk about that call I'd deleted. And I could tell he still had more to tell me about what happened in Columbia. But right now, it didn't seem like any of that mattered to him. He was just happy…no, not happy…ecstatic that I'd actually agreed to marry him again.

"I love you," he said when he finally broke the kiss.

I smiled. "I love you too. Now, come on. Unless you want Sabrina to come pounding on your door and demand an explanation for a hundred lit candles creating a fire hazard in the café downstairs."

"Okay, let's go," he chuckled.

We threw some clothes on (which for me included the pants I'd been wearing yesterday and one of his t-shirts) and took a couple of garbage bags downstairs to throw the now-useless candles in. And when we were about halfway done blowing the candles out and throwing them away, Sabrina got there.

"Ezra," she said, clearly shocked. "You're back."

"Yeah, I'm back," he chuckled, continuing to blow out candles and throw them away.

"Do I want to know?" she asked, looking at the fifty or so candles that were still lit; I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"No, you don't," I told her. "Trust me."

"Okay, then," she said, letting a chuckle out. "At least you guys are cleaning up after yourselves."

"And why doesn't she want to know?" Ezra asked quietly when she walked into the back to put her stuff away.

"That the owner of this establishment and his fiancée almost burned the place to the ground last night?" I chuckled. "Yeah, she doesn't want to know that."

He laughed for the hundredth time and kissed me. And Sabrina walked back out to start her pre-opening prep work. As we broke our kiss, I saw her look at us and chuckle, shaking her head.

"I can't tell if she likes me or not," I teased. "At the very least, I think she thinks I'm crazy."

"No, you're just engaged to someone who might be," Ezra shot back.

"Which would make me certifiable," I giggled.

That earned me another kiss.

"Seriously, guys, I can get this cleaned up if you want to go upstairs," Sabrina said.

"Is that code for 'get a room'?" I laughed.

"Not yet," she chuckled as she headed back to the back room. "But in about fifteen minutes, yes."

Ezra and I both chuckled again and made quick work of cleaning up the rest of the candles, which luckily hadn't left a ton of wax everywhere. Surprising, since he apparently hadn't heard of a candle holder. Or even a plate. That would have been better than just putting the candles right on the floor and tables. He was such a man sometimes.

"Okay, I have to say I'm impressed," Sabrina laughed when she came back out to unlock the door. "I didn't think you'd be able to focus enough to finish cleaning up your mess. By the way, seems like congratulations are in order?"

"Thanks," I chuckled, blushing a little.

"I'm really happy for you guys," she said, smiling. "You deserve it. Both of you. But maybe try not to leave a fire hazard in the café on your wedding night."

"That was all him," I told her.

"Great, throw me under the bus," Ezra teased, kissing my head. "Thanks."

"Oh, she didn't have to. I had a feeling," Sabrina chuckled.

"Well, we'll get out of your way," I told her. "See you around."

"See you guys soon," she said, then unplugged a phone from a charger behind the counter. "Wait, Ezra, is this your phone?"

"Oh, yeah," he chuckled as he took it from her. "Thanks."

Ezra and I walked back upstairs to the loft, and the second we closed the door, he kissed me again. Much more PG-13 this time, since we didn't have an audience. Yeah…looked like the conversation we needed to have wasn't going to be happening any time soon. So much for me not being up for another round. Not that I'd complain.

"Look, as much as I would love nothing more than to stay in bed with you all day, I do have a friend in the hospital," I sighed about an hour later.

"I know," he sighed too.

"So, all of my stuff is still in my car, which is at Hanna's…er, Lucas's place," I told him. "Do you mind giving me a ride over there really quick so I can bring it back here? I'd kind of like to shower and change my clothes before we go back to the hospital."

"You didn't even bother taking it out of your car?" he chuckled.

"Nope. My thought process didn't really go past getting everything I owned out of here. Which, in hindsight, might have been a little rash."

"No, I deserved it," Ezra sighed. "I'm still trying to figure out how I actually got lucky enough that you took me back after how I acted."

"Because we've been a foregone conclusion since before I even left Rosewood," I told him. "I never stopped loving you either. In case that wasn't obvious."

"No, it wasn't obvious at all," he teased, kissing me for the thousandth time. "Come on, let's get dressed so I can take you to get your car."

When I got back to the Brew in my car, just intending to bring up what I absolutely had to for now, I found Ezra waiting outside for me.

"What, did you think I wasn't coming back?" I teased.

"The thought crossed my mind," he shot back. "No, I figured you might need some help carrying stuff back upstairs."

"Do you even understand how humiliating it's going to be doing this in front of a café full of people?" I asked him. "I'm perfectly good leaving it here until after business hours."

"And that's why I'm going to be doing it instead," he countered. "Because unlike you, who did absolutely nothing wrong, I deserve the humiliation."

"Okay, I'll let you help me get all this back upstairs. But can you do something else for me?"

"Anything."

"Can you stop beating yourself up? Please?"

Ezra sighed. "I can try. That's the best I can do right now."

"Okay," I said. "Thank you. Now, no laughing when you see how I packed. It's very unlike me."

I opened the car door to reveal the two garbage bags full of stuff in the backseat, with the garment bag containing my wedding dress haphazardly thrown on top of it. And rather than laughing, Ezra looked like he was going to start crying all over again.

"How about we save the tears for when you actually see me in the dress you're trying to use x-ray vision to see through the bag?" I teased.

He chuckled a little and kissed me.

"I shouldn't have gone," he said. "We should have just left for Italy like we'd planned on."

"No, you needed to go," I told him. "Don't lie to yourself. And the fact that you went wasn't what I was mad at you for. It would have been pretty hypocritical if it was, since I was the one who sent you there."

"What in God's name did I do to deserve you?" he asked, sounding completely awed.

"Something amazing, apparently," I teased as I grabbed the dress out of my car.

He chuckled and grabbed the two garbage bags.

"Jesus Christ, these are heavy," he said, grunting a little. "How in the hell did you carry them down?"

"Adrenaline?" I tried. I actually didn't even remember them being that heavy.

Ezra just started laughing. Not even a little chuckle. A real laugh.

"What?" I giggled.

"Rage-fueled adrenaline apparently turned you into Wonder Woman," he teased. "Remind me never to piss you off when I'm actually around for your wrath."

"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it," I shot back. "I honestly don't know what would have happened if you'd been home at that point in time."

"Nothing. Because I wouldn't have been being a world-class jerk."

"Remember the part where you weren't going to beat yourself up anymore?" I reminded him. "Let's get this stuff upstairs. I need a shower bad. And I'm guessing you do too. I imagine you haven't actually showered since you got back from Columbia."

"If we're being perfectly honest, the last decent shower I had was the day before I left. The shower in the hotel I stayed at was barely more than a little trickle of water," Ezra said. "So yeah, I could definitely go for a real shower with actual water pressure."

"Come on," I said, giving him a kiss. "I happen to know a place with a pretty amazing one. It's right upstairs."

When I got out of the shower about twenty minutes later, I smelled coffee coming from the kitchen and smiled. It wasn't just the huge, over-the-top gestures like what he did last night to try to get me back that made Ezra so incredible. It was the little things too. Like the fact that he just knew I needed coffee and made it without being asked. I would have even been willing to bet that there was already a mug on the counter with sugar and a little milk in it, just like I liked it.

I threw my robe on and went to the bedroom to make an attempt at finding clothes that didn't look like they'd been lying crumpled up in a corner for a week. A little difficult since I'd just thrown everything in the garbage bags without even thinking about that. And just as I was about to settle for something that only looked like it had been crumpled up in the corner for a couple of days instead of a week, I heard a knock on the doorframe.

"Maybe this would help?" Ezra chuckled, bringing the suitcase I'd packed for Italy, which he'd clearly gone and retrieved from my car while I was showering, into the room. "I get the feeling the iron and ironing board are going to get a workout over the next day or so."

"Yeah, pretty much," I agreed as he put the suitcase at the foot of the bed. "Thanks."

He smiled. "You're welcome. I'm going to jump in the shower, and then we can head to the hospital."

"Okay," I said.

Ezra came and kissed my head before heading into the bathroom. And I quickly retrieved a non-wrinkled outfit from my suitcase, got dressed, and headed out to the kitchen. I'd been right about the mug of coffee. I would have loved to see the grin on my face as I drank it. I was sure it was pretty pathetic. God, I had it bad. Almost before I knew it, I felt an arm snaking around my waist and his lips on my shoulder. I hadn't even heard the shower turn off. I turned around for a kiss, which he all too eagerly provided.

"You look—" he started.

"Like someone who hasn't slept in over two days?" I chuckled.

"Are you ever going to let me finish that sentence without making a joke?"

"Nope," I teased. "Ready to get out of here?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. Should I be prepared for your friends' wrath too?"

"I don't think so. They were all trying to tell me to talk to you. Telling me that they were sure there was a logical explanation for everything."

"They gave me a lot more credit than I deserved," he sighed. "Okay, let's go see Spencer. And I hate to point this out, but we do have a lot more to talk about when we get home. Maybe after a nap."

I chuckled. "I know. I could write a whole book about what you missed while you were gone, which led to Spencer getting shot and almost dying right in front of me."

"God, I can't even imagine how hard that was. I wish I'd been here."

"I have no words to describe it," I told him. "Really, I don't. I was just…frozen. Numb."

And then my phone rang. It was…Caleb? What in the hell? He never called me.

"Caleb?" I answered. "What's going on?"

"Um…I don't know how to say this. It's Toby. He was in a car accident. He's hanging on by a thread, but Yvonne was killed. Hanna told me you're in the middle of something important, but you might want to get back to the hospital."

"Oh, my God," I gasped. "Um, Ezra and I were actually already on our way there to see Spencer. Has anyone told her?"

"I tried to tell Hanna not to, but she didn't listen. Spencer didn't take it very well. That's why I'm saying you might want to get back here. She needs all the friends she can get right now," Caleb told me. "She's kind of a mess."

"I can imagine," I told him. "We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

I hung up and turned to Ezra, in shock all over again. I didn't know if I could handle this on top of everything else. It wasn't like I was that close with Toby, but he was one of us. Part of our tight-knit group of friends. And I couldn't handle losing any of my friends.

"What is it, Aria?" Ezra asked, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Toby," I told him. "I guess he was in a car accident last night. He's hanging on by a thread right now and his fiancée was killed. And Hanna told Spencer about it, and now Spencer's a mess."

"I'm not trying to advocate lying to or keeping secrets from the people you care about by any means, but why in the hell would she have done that when Spencer's just gotten out of major surgery?" he said, shaking his head.

"I don't know," I sighed. "If it was me, I would have waited for a little while. Eased her into it."

"That's what I'm saying," Ezra agreed. "Well, this could take a while. Let's go."

Alison was in the waiting room waiting for us when we got to the hospital. Apparently she'd been nominated to be the one to lead us back to Spencer's room.

"Ali," I said, giving her a hug. "What's the word on Toby?"

"They've got him stabilized, but that's all we know right now. We have no idea what caused the accident," she sighed. "I can't believe Hanna told Spencer."

"I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing," I told her.

"So, are you going to tell me what in the hell happened last night after you left?"

"Um, Ezra's still alive and breathing, isn't he?" I chuckled.

Ezra chuckled too.

"Right," she said, rolling her eyes a little, before looking at my left hand. "And you weren't going to mention that the wedding is back on?"

"I thought I'd tell you all at once," I explained. "Seems like Spencer could use some good news."

"She definitely could, but they're only letting three people at a time in there, so you'll have to say it at least two more times. Have you told Ezra about what happened yet?" she asked.

"No," I sighed. "I think that's a conversation that would be a little easier after we've both slept."

Yeah…seeing Noel Kahn's head rolling on the floor and then hearing the gunshot thirty seconds later and seeing my friend fall to the ground with a gunshot wound in her chest was definitely not something I wanted to talk about when I was going on almost three days with no sleep. I needed a lot more than a nap before that conversation.

"Come on, I'll take you guys back there," Alison said.

"How's Caleb holding up?" I asked as we started walking. "I know he and Toby are close. And he _just_ broke up with Spencer."

"He's Caleb," she sighed. "We can all tell he's having a hard time, but he's hiding it behind a thick layer of sarcasm."

"Yeah, sounds like him," I chuckled.

When we got to Spencer's room, Emily walked out.

"Aria," she said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"I'd be a lot better if two of my friends weren't patients here," I told her.

"You know that's not what I meant," she said, then looked at Ezra. "Well, he's still breathing. That's a positive sign. So are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

"At least you're letting me tell you that the wedding's back on instead of just looking at my hand like Ali did," I chuckled. "Your girlfriend may or may not have nicely told us to get a room this morning."

Emily laughed and gave me and Ezra both hugs.

"I'm glad," she said. "You should tell Spencer. She could use some happy news right now."

"I figured as much. God, how did this happen? How did any of this happen?" I sighed.

"It's us," Alison chuckled dryly. "That's how."

"Mic drop," I chuckled. "Um, we'll see you guys in a little while."

"Okay," Emily said, taking Alison's hand. "We'll go grab a round of coffees. I'm sure we could all use it."

"No joke. Just hook me up to an IV full of it," I teased.

"How about a double shot? Is that an acceptable compromise?" Alison asked.

"I guess it's going to have to be," I said.

Alison and Emily walked off holding hands, and Ezra turned to look at me.

"How long has that been happening?" he asked. "What else did I miss?"

"Something that I apparently missed too," I said, sounding every bit as shocked as I felt. "Last I heard, Emily was dating Sabrina."

"Okay, then," Ezra chuckled. "Ready?"

"Not remotely. Let's do this," I told him.

He chuckled again and kissed my head. I melted a little every time he did that. I didn't even know why. I took a deep breath, and we walked into Spencer's room. She tried to crack a smile when she saw us, but it didn't really work.

"About time," Hanna chuckled. "Do I even want to know what took so long?"

"What are you talking about? We ran out the door when we got the call from Caleb," I teased as I went to sit next to the bed. I knew that wasn't what she meant. "How are you feeling, Spence?"

"Like I just got shot in the chest. Oh, wait," she chuckled dryly.

"Sense of humor still intact, I see," I said.

"Ezra's back," Spencer said, looking at him.

"Yeah," he chuckled as he put a hand on my shoulder; I reached up to hold it. "I'm back."

"And the two of you are on speaking terms again?" she asked, looking back at me.

"Well, it seems like you could use some good news right now," I started.

"Yes, please."

"So I guess I'll tell you that the wedding is back on," I finished.

Spencer actually did smile at that.

"I'm glad," she said. "Didn't I tell you there was an explanation?"

"You did," I chuckled. "But I was being stupid and impulsive."

"Oh, you mean like you were when you started dating him while he was still your high school teacher?" Hanna teased.

We all laughed, and Spencer winced.

"Ow," she said weakly. "That hurts."

"Okay, no making Spencer laugh," I chuckled.

"What's that saying about laughter being the best medicine?" Ezra teased.

"Not when it'll make her tear her stitches open, it's not," I told him.

"Touché," he chuckled.

"So where's Caleb?" I asked.

"Waiting for word on Toby, I think," Hanna said. "This is insane."

"You won't hear me disagree," I sighed. "This has been the longest couple of days of my life."

"Aria, go get some rest," Spencer said weakly. "You look worse than I do, and that's saying something. Have you actually slept since you saw the news?"

"Gee, thanks," I chuckled. "And no, I haven't."

"Seriously, go get some rest. And maybe unpack some of that stuff you took out of the loft yesterday," she said. "I promise, I'll be okay."

"Actually I think it's two days ago now," I told her. "But okay. I'll come back tomorrow. And Hanna, call me if there's any word on Toby, okay?"

"I will," she said. "We'll see you tomorrow. We're all just really glad you and Ezra worked things out. At least something good happened in the middle of all this."

"Yeah, I'm glad he talked some sense into me too," I chuckled as I stood up.

"Just like Caleb talked some sense into me," Hanna giggled.

"Wait, what?" I asked. "Was I really so wrapped up in my own drama that I missed that?"

"No, you three are the first people to find out," she said. "It happened right around the time you were probably watching the news. And things have been a little crazy since then."

"Yeah, just a little," I agreed. "God, I feel like the worst friend ever for leaving literally five minutes after walking in the door."

"Well, when the friend you came to see is kicking you out the door, you get a pass," Spencer said. "Seriously, I don't want to see you back here for at least twenty-four hours. You need to sleep."

"She is right, babe," Ezra said, pulling me in for a hug.

"I know," I sighed. "Let's go. We'll see you tomorrow, Spence."

I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow when we got back to the loft. But it was far from a peaceful slumber. I dreamed of being back in that house. Hearing Jenna's voice telling us that for once we got to be her, be blind, before the place went pitch dark. Using our cell phones to get some sort of light. And then hearing Noel scream a split second before…before seeing his head rolling on the floor in front of me.

And then I woke up with a scream. I hadn't even really processed what had happened to Noel. God…who would do something like that? Kill someone whose life was just starting in such a barbaric and gruesome way? Yeah, Noel Kahn hadn't been my favorite person, but I never wanted him to meet such a horrific end. This didn't even feel like real life. It felt like something out of a horror movie. I didn't want to even think about it, let alone let myself actually process the fact that I'd been there to see it. But that was what happened when I didn't want to process something consciously. I got to process it while I was unconscious instead.

"Aria?" Ezra asked. "Are you okay?"

Great. I'd woken him up. But I couldn't lie to him. I never wanted to lie to him about anything ever again. That was what had gotten us into this mess in the first place.

"No," I said as tears came to my eyes. "No, I'm not okay."

"Come here," he whispered, pulling me into the safety and comfort of his arms. "You're safe. It was just a dream."

"About something that actually happened," I sobbed.

"We don't have to talk about it right now," he said softly. "Try to go back to sleep. You're safe here."

"I can't," I sniffled. "I'll just see it again if I close my eyes."

"Spencer's okay, Aria. Yes, she'll have to take some time to heal. But she'll be just fine. Try to focus on that instead of what you saw."

I sighed. I couldn't put this off anymore.

"It's not just what happened to Spencer," I told him. "You should probably start the coffee. I can't do this anymore. I can't not talk about it."

"When's the last time you actually ate?" he asked.

"Um…" I trailed off. I couldn't even remember.

"Okay, if you don't know the answer to that question, it's been too long. Come on, get up. I'm cooking and you're helping."

Ezra got up and started to head downstairs to the kitchen. I stayed in bed; I really wasn't in the mood to be his soux chef. But when he didn't hear me get up, he came back and stood next to my side of the bed. He grabbed both of my hands and dragged me out of bed.

"Seriously, come on," he insisted. "You need to eat. We both do. And there's coffee downstairs."

"Well, if that's where the coffee is…" I sighed.

He led me downstairs and we threw something quick and easy together and made a pot of coffee. We ate in relative silence and then took mugs of coffee to the couch. And I started at the beginning. I told him everything he'd missed while we were planning to elope, everything that had happened while he was in Columbia. Ending with the insane events in that creepy old house.

"Wait, what?" he said when I told him what happened to Noel. "Tell me I didn't just hear you say you saw a _head_ rolling on the floor right before Spencer got shot. An actual human head?"

"Oh, you heard me," I told him. "Noel Kahn's head was on the floor. Not attached to his body."

"Jesus Christ. I…I don't even know what to say."

"Neither do I, really. I mean, Noel wasn't my favorite person, but I never wanted him to die like that. Regardless of the fact that he was mixed up in this. Because I don't think he was calling the shots. I think he got played. He likes…I mean liked…to stir up trouble, but he wasn't clever enough to pull something like this off. Not to mention, if it was him calling the shots, his head would still be attached to his body."

"I hate to say this, but you're probably right," Ezra sighed. "This is probably far from over. I'm so sorry, Aria. I should have been there with you."

"You realize even if you were here, I wouldn't have let you go with me, right? You didn't sign up for any of this. I'm not letting you get mixed up in this insanity. Not if I can help it. This isn't your fight."

He chuckled a little.

"Yes, it is," he said. "I did sign up for it. When I asked you to marry me. This is absolutely my fight. Because I'm not going to let you do this alone. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what."

I had to smile. Thank God he'd talked some sense into me. Because I didn't know what I would do without him right now. I leaned over and gave him a kiss.

"Okay, can we be done talking about this now?" I chuckled uncomfortably. "Can we talk about what happened in Columbia instead? Because at least that has a happier ending."

"Or we could not talk about anything else for a while," he said, pulling me back so I was resting against his chest and kissing my forehead. "How you're actually able to form words at all right now is beyond me. I don't know that I would be able to if I'd seen that."

"I need the distraction," I insisted. "Tell me what happened in Columbia."

Ezra shook his head and chuckled a little, then kissed my forehead again without a word.

"What?" I asked.

"You're incredible," he said. "Nicole even said so, and she doesn't know the half of it."

"Nicole talked about me?" I asked, then realized that was a stupid question. Of course they'd talked about me. He'd told her we were engaged.

"Yeah, she did," he told me.

"So now that I'm not about to rip _your_ head off, how about you start at the beginning and tell me everything?"

"Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Wait, you're not going to tell me you cheated on me, are you?" I teased.

He laughed. "No. I just know she's not your favorite person."

How in the hell could he think that? That I was really shallow and jealous enough to hate her? I didn't hate her, not even close. I wanted nothing but the best for her, especially now.

Well, actually it wasn't that surprising, when I stopped to think about it. I _had_ kind of freaked out when I'd found out about Jackie and Maggie. Except that I'd been sixteen at the time. He'd been my first serious relationship. My first in a lot of respects. And I'd known I wasn't his. Yes, of course that would lead to some jealousy. But I'd grown up now. I wasn't sixteen anymore. And I hadn't expected him to take a vow of celibacy and swear off dating when I'd broken up with him to go to college. I knew he'd move on and date other people, just like I had. Though clearly we'd both been carrying torches for each other. We'd each been serious with exactly one person in the time we'd been apart. Him with Nicole; me with Liam. I really hadn't dated much at all in college. I hadn't had time, and I also hadn't met anyone who wanted anything more than casual sex. And that had no appeal for me. Maybe I was old fashioned for thinking this way, but I still had this crazy idea that sex actually meant something. Probably because, with the exception of that one random guy I'd slept with after I'd found out about Ezra's book and thought he'd been using me the entire time, it always _had_ meant something to me.

But in any case, I certainly wasn't jealous of Nicole. Maybe I would have been a little jealous if he'd chosen her over me, but now I realized that somehow I'd always known he would choose me. But I wasn't naïve enough to believe that just because he'd chosen me, it didn't mean he didn't feel something for her too.

"Ezra, me being upset wasn't about me not liking her or being jealous of her," I told him. "It was never about that. I'm not sixteen anymore. I realize your life didn't just stop when I left. You moved on as best you could. Tried to make a life for yourself that didn't involve me. And I wanted you to. I was glad you had Nicole. I cried for you and what I knew you were going through for hours when I heard about what happened to her. This was about me being upset that you hadn't called me to tell me you weren't coming home. That you left me here worried sick about you when you didn't get here when you were supposed to. What else was I supposed to think when I saw the news but that you had chosen her over me and all of a sudden didn't care what I was thinking or feeling? I didn't know about the power outage in Bogotá. So all I knew was that you hadn't called or texted me and then you looked so happy on the news. I wasn't jealous. I was hurt that you let me find out that Nicole was alive on the news instead of telling me yourself the second you found out. If you'd called me and told me that they'd found her, I would have been thrilled. Regardless of what choice you made. Because I love you enough that I want you to be happy, whether or not I'm a part of that happiness."

Ezra squeezed me tight and kissed my head. He seemed like he was trying to take a second to collect his thoughts. After about a minute, he took a deep breath and spoke.

"I don't even know where to start," he finally said. "I feel like I need to respond to every part of that."

"You don't," I chuckled. "That was me saying what I should have said last night. Now that I've calmed down and can actually form a coherent thought. You don't have to say anything."

"Yes, I do," he insisted. "So I'll start with the easiest part of what I need to say. You're not just part of my happiness, Aria. You _are_ my happiness. You always have been, from the second I met you. No one else has ever made me come alive the way you do. No one else knows me even a fraction as well as you do. And no one else has changed me as thoroughly and completely as you have. I'm a different person because I met you. You amaze me every day with your strength and your courage. And you make me want to be a better person. You make me want to try to be half, or even a quarter, of the person you deserve to be sharing your life with. And this past week, I've been anything but that person. I've been so selfish. All I could think about was my own feelings. What the possibility of Nicole being alive meant for me. And I didn't even stop to think about what it meant for you. What you were going through. I knew getting me that plane ticket was a huge sacrifice for you, and it made me want to bow down and worship at your feet, but the fact that I even took the ticket shows how selfish I really am. The fact that I went to another country to find a girl I used to date, regardless of the circumstances behind it, and was so distant towards you while I was there is unforgivable. I should have called you every day. I should have made sure you knew that you were still the most important person in my life. And I should have called you the second I found out she was alive. Regardless of whether or not I thought I could still make my flight home. Even if I was still a little upset with you for deleting that call. It shouldn't have mattered. Because this, what you and I have, it's the most important thing in the world to me. And I should have made you understand that before I set foot on that plane."

I smiled and nestled a little further into his already cocoon-like embrace. That got a smile out of him too, and he pulled me onto his lap and kissed my head again.

"I love you," he said quietly. "You have no idea how relieved I am that you're still here with me right now. It's so much more than I deserve. I don't deserve you, not by a long shot."

"Well, you've got me," I told him. "I'm not going anywhere. But I am going to tell you something that you told me once, a long time ago."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Do you remember taking me up to the cabin for a weekend during my senior year of high school? And when I wanted to leave because it didn't feel right having to lie to so many people just to be able to spend time with you, you told me that maybe the feeling I had of distance towards my friends was actually you and me growing closer. I told you that I wanted to be able to share how happy I was about us being back together with my closest friends."

"Yes, I remember," he said.

"You told me that if this relationship was going to work, I had to start thinking of you as the person I was closest to, the person I wanted to share everything with, and that you had to do that with me too. And that's truer now than ever before. We're getting married, Ezra. We're supposed to be partners. And that means that when something happens in my life, no matter what it is, I need to start including you in it. I need to tell you everything that happens while my friends and I are trying to deal with A.D. I need to share my happiness while we're planning our wedding with you. I need to tell you when I'm scared, when I'm sad, when I'm frustrated, when I'm confused about something. And I want you to include me in your life. I want to be the first person you want to tell when something, anything, happens to you. If you're upset about something, or if you're happy about something, or if you need a sounding board to work through something you're conflicted about, I want you to come to me. I wanted more than anything to share your joy in finding out Nicole was alive with you, but you didn't let me. You kept it to yourself. You're my person, Ezra. My rock. The one thing that keeps me sane when everything else in my life is insane. You always have been, for the entire time I've known you. And it's high time I returned the favor. But you have to let me. You have to want to share things with me and let me help you when things are hard," I finished.

Ezra didn't say anything at first. He just kissed me with more energy and passion than I thought he had left in him.

"Do you ever think of yourself?" he asked.

"Um, I've done a great deal of thinking of myself this week," I said, thoroughly confused.

"No, you haven't," he chuckled. "Not really. You think you have, but everything you just said, everything you've done these past few months, tells a different story."

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's review. You started _ghost writing_ a novel for me when you thought I was too far gone to finish what I'd started on my own. You knew you weren't going to get credit for it. To the publisher, it looked like it was me writing it. Then I asked you to write my story _about another woman_ with me so I wouldn't get too lost in my own head. And you sat there and did it. You helped me write down my feelings for someone else and make it into something readable. Never once did you say word one to me about how unfair it was for me to ask you to do that. Because it was. When I first asked you to marry me, you told me you had to think about it not because you weren't sure if it was what you wanted, but because you weren't sure if it would be what I wanted after I found out about Archer Dunhill. I asked you to elope with me, to not include your friends in our wedding day, and you did it because you knew I wanted it. I could see how hesitant you were when I first suggested it. But you agreed to do it anyway. Oh, and then when it turned out there was a possibility of the woman you helped me write about still being alive, you cashed in our tickets to go get married so I could go be there when the rescue team got back. So, from where I'm sitting, everything you've done since you've been back in my life was for me."

I just started laughing. I couldn't help it. He was so in love with me that he couldn't see just how selfish most of those things were. That was...incredibly sweet and a little pathetic at the same time.

"What's so funny?" he asked, laughing with me.

"The fact that you apparently can't see how incredibly selfish most of the things you just mentioned actually were. There's a flip side to every coin, Ezra. I started ghost writing that novel because my boss was putting pressure on me to deliver chapters. And you weren't delivering. So I had to do something. And I did the most reckless and dangerous thing I could have done. Something that, if you hadn't saved my ass, could have not only cost me my job, but gotten me blacklisted from ever working in publishing again. When you asked me to write the book with you, I did it because I wanted to get close to you again, no matter how it happened. I agreed to elope with you because I was scared of you not wanting to get married at all if I didn't. You looked like you were getting cold feet just looking at those decorations your mom suggested."

He laughed again. "I wasn't. At least not about marrying you. About letting my mother have any part in planning the wedding, maybe."

I chuckled. "Okay, and the most selfish thing I did? Getting you that plane ticket."

"Nice try," he chuckled, kissing my forehead. "But I'm going to let you tell me why you think that just because I'm enjoying laughing at you trying to tell me how selfish you are. Because nothing you're saying so far is convincing me of that at all."

"I think you're looking at me through rose-colored glasses," I teased.

"Maybe. Or maybe love has blinded me," he shot back.

"Oh, there's no maybe about that. It definitely has," I giggled. "Okay, so the plane ticket? After the FBI came here and you went back to their office with them, Emily was over here trying to calm me down because I was freaking out. I told her that I felt like the FBI showing up less than a week after I deleted the call was karmic justice for me. That that was why this was happening. Not even three minutes before you walked back in the door, Emily actually said the words 'you can't actually be rooting for her to be dead' to me. That was how self-absorbed I was acting about all of this. Emily actually thought for a minute that I wanted them not to find her. And if you hadn't walked in on that conversation, I might never have told you about the call at all. Yes, I did it because I was trying to spare you the pain of false hope, but the look on your face when I told you, how betrayed and hurt you looked, it scared me to death. I was so scared I was going to lose you over that stupid mistake. And I knew I had to do something huge to even have a shot at not losing you. Because I thought you might never forgive me. That was why I cashed in our tickets to Italy."

Ezra just kissed my forehead and chuckled.

"Why are you laughing now?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"I'm sitting here trying to picture that conversation you were having with Emily before I walked back in here," he laughed. "I'm trying to imagine what in the hell you were saying that made her tell you that you couldn't be rooting for Nicole to be dead. And if anything, it only further proves my point that I was acting like a self-absorbed ass. I wasn't even thinking about what this was doing to you. About the fact that you obviously were at least a little scared of losing me before I even found out about that call. I didn't think about that at all until Emily pointed it out to me."

"But that shouldn't have been what I was thinking about at all," I countered. "Nicole is a real live human being who has been to hell and back. I should have been thinking about her. Not about whether I was still getting married or not."

"Aria, it's human to think of yourself. It's human to be scared of losing the person you love, no matter what the circumstances surrounding that fear are. You're not convincing me that you're selfish right now. You're convincing me that you're human," Ezra said, giving me a kiss.

"Well if none of what I said makes me selfish, none of your reasons for thinking you were selfish are valid either. It's human to be so completely overwhelmed with a thousand conflicting emotions that you can't even process what someone else is thinking or feeling when you get a huge bombshell like the girl you loved coming back from the dead dropped on you," I told him. "Speaking of, stop procrastinating and start talking."

"I told you most of it already. But she actually did tell me that she's always thought you were an incredible person. That she's never understood how you could go through everything you've been through in your life and still be able to smile. And that she thought about you while she was in the jungle. She thought that if you could survive everything you went through, she could survive what she was going through."

...Wow. I...I had nothing. I'd never realized that Nicole had given me so much as a second thought, let alone that she thought that highly of me.

"I don't even know what to say to that," I told him.

"Well, you'd better come up with something. Because she asked me if she could come to visit us. She wanted to talk to you. I took the liberty of telling her you would be okay with it."

"Good, I'm glad," I told him. "I want to talk to her too. With you there of course. So you can see that we're not fighting a duel over you."

"You sure you don't want someone a little more neutral as a buffer?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm sure," I chuckled. "So how long are we going to ignore the elephant in the room?"

"I'm not ignoring him. He's right over there," Ezra teased, pointing at the seriously cool poster that he had framed and hanging here in the living room, which had a gorgeous drawing of an elephant on it.

I giggled, and he started laughing with me. He could be such a dork sometimes.

"You know that's not what I meant," I sighed. "Though that is an exceptionally cool poster."

"I thought so too," he chuckled. "And about the elephant that you were actually referring to, I can't believe I didn't realize that was A.D. trying to come between us. It wasn't Nicole. I actually asked her about it. She told me they took her phone when they took her, so even if she had escaped sooner, she wouldn't have been able to call me. So that means that someone, and I don't need three guesses to figure out who, had Nicole's number and called when they knew you were home and I wasn't. They knew that one way or the other, it would come between us. If you had told me about it right when it happened, I would have gone crazy trying to figure out what it meant. And because you didn't, because you told me about it after you were backed into a corner, it drove us apart by making me upset with you for keeping it from me. Someone was trying to separate us, and like a complete amateur, I let it happen instead of thinking logically about it. And I promise, I'll never let that happen again. I'm the one who owes you an apology. I'm sorry."

Well, that wasn't how I'd expected that to go. At all. He really was just glad I'd taken him back if he wasn't even a little bit mad about me deleting that call anymore. Because he had been _furious_ last week.

"Since I'm the one who really should be apologizing, you're forgiven," I chuckled weakly. "But keeping with the theme of us needing to be more open with each other, this is me promising that I'm never going to keep anything from you ever again. At least nothing important. You still don't get to know about my wedding vows or birthday and Christmas gifts before they happen."

Ezra chuckled and kissed me softly, brushing my hair back from my face. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. I could have stayed here on his lap, wrapped in the warmth and comfort of his arms, forever. This was my favorite place in the whole world to be. But suddenly I was completely exhausted again. I yawned.

"You know, you really should try to get some more sleep now that you're not about to explode from not talking about all of this," he said. "I think you slept for a grand total of two hours before you woke up. And I've had a pretty long few days too."

I just nodded, and without another word, we went back upstairs and got back into bed. I laid my head on the pillow, but I was still scared to close my eyes. Scared of what I'd see if I did. It seemed like Ezra was reading my mind, because he pulled me into his arms and kissed my head.

"You're okay," he whispered, barely audible. "I've got you. You're safe. No one can hurt you here."

And I couldn't fight it anymore after that. I closed my eyes and let the sleep that I'd been fighting so hard come over me, knowing that I was completely safe from any villains who might try to torment me in my dreams.


	4. Step One (You Say We Need to Talk)

Chapter Four  
 _Step One (You Say We Need to Talk)_

 **Ezra**

Two weeks later, I had just hung up with Jillian at the publisher and heard that we got the final draft of the book approved when I got a call from Nicole's mother. I thought it was a little odd but then again maybe she was trying to be a buffer between Nicole and me. Maybe Nicole had moved past shock and was now angry with me for getting back together with Aria while she was held hostage in the jungle.

"Mrs. Gordon," I answered. I'd never gotten on a first name basis with them.

"Hi, Ezra," she said. She sounded...drained? Sad? I couldn't quite tell.

"How is she?" I asked.

"She's...adjusting as well as can be expected. Having nightmares every night and waking up thinking she's back in the jungle."

"I'm sorry to say this, but it'll probably be a while before that stops," I sighed. "Aria still has nightmares about trauma she went through in high school. I hate to even ask, but how did Nicole react to what I told her after I left that room?"

"Almost too well," she said. "She's not upset with you in the slightest. That's actually why I'm calling. We're heading back from Columbia tomorrow. And she was wondering if we could stop in Rosewood on the way back to New York. She wanted to see you and...what's her name? Aria?"

"Normally I would say yes without hesitation, but when I got back here I found out that the shit had hit the fan while I was gone. One of Aria's closest friends is in the hospital recovering from a gunshot wound to her chest and another of her friends just got out of the hospital after a major car accident that killed his fiancée," I told her. "Do you mind if I talk to Aria and get back to you? I'm not sure if she'll be up to a visit from Nicole right now."

"My God. Of course. I hope her friends are doing okay?"

"Toby, the one who was in the car accident, is pretty much healed, but is obviously a wreck about his fiancée. And Spencer will make a full recovery but it's going to take some time," I sighed. "The bullet shattered her sternum and punctured a lung. She's lucky the person was a lousy shot. It barely missed her heart."

"Jesus. I'll let Nicole know. I'm sure she'll understand if Aria's not up to a visit right now."

Almost on cue, Aria walked in the door.

"Actually, she just walked in. I'll talk to her and call you back," I told her.

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon, Ezra," Mrs. Gordon said, and hung up.

"Hey," I said, turning to look at Aria.

"Hey," she said, walking over to the couch and giving me a kiss before sitting down. "What were you going to talk to me about?"

"Well, do you want the good news or the slightly strange news first?" I asked.

"Well, seeing as Spencer just found out she's not getting to go home for another two weeks, I'll take the good news first," she sighed.

"Okay. The good news is, the final draft of the book got approved," I started.

"That's amazing," she said, smiling hugely. "And the strange news?"

I sighed. "I just got off the phone with Nicole's mom. I guess they're headed back to New York tomorrow."

"And Nicole wanted to stop here on the way?" she guessed.

"Yep. I told her that with everything going on with Toby and Spencer, you might not be up to it," I said quickly. "You can say no."

"Why would I do that?" Aria said, like she was surprised the thought would have even crossed my mind. "We knew this was going to happen sometime."

"Well, I just figured it was kind of sudden, and with you being at the hospital pretty much every day, I wasn't sure if you'd be prepared for it."

"How exactly would I prepare? Do more push-ups?" she chuckled. "This isn't like running a marathon. I don't think I'll ever really be prepared for a conversation with your ex, who just got rescued from the jungle. But if she wants to talk to me, the least I can do after everything she's been through is listen."

I just shook my head in amazement. Aria was the most selfless person I'd ever met. And the most incredible thing was that she didn't see herself that way at all.

"What?" she asked.

I chuckled. "You amaze me. Every day."

"Do you think you might take those rose-colored glasses off at some point?" she teased.

"Nope," I shot back, giving her a kiss. "I kind of like them. The world looks a lot better with them on. Especially with you back in my life."

Aria just chuckled and rested her head on my shoulder, lacing her fingers through mine. I kissed her hair, then realized I'd promised Mrs. Gordon a return call. They did need to know whether they were flying to Philadelphia or La Guardia.

"So, can I call Nicole's mom and tell her it's okay for them to come here?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah," Aria sighed. "I'll just go see Spencer in the morning and be back here by the time they get here."

"Do you think you could say that with less enthusiasm?"

"Sorry," she chuckled weakly. "My lack of enthusiasm has nothing to do with Nicole. Today was just a long day."

"You know, I'm pretty sure Spencer will understand if you need to take a break from going to see her for a day or two."

"She needs her friends right now. And I know if it was me in there, she would be there every day."

"And I'd be telling her the same thing I'm telling you now," I told her. "You're running yourself into the ground, Aria. That's not going to do anyone any good."

"Okay, I'll talk to her. But you're not going to keep me from the hospital tomorrow. If I have to spend an evening with your ex-girlfriend, I'm going to need the kind of pep talk you can't give me," she chuckled. "I think that's best friend territory, not fiancé territory."

"Fair enough. So, I'm going to call Mrs. Gordon and then we're going to figure out what we have that's actually edible."

"Sounds good. But we may end up doing takeout. I'm pretty sure there's some stuff in the fridge growing fur. That seems to be a thing when you're not gainfully employed."

I laughed, remembering her teasing me about the lime in my fridge back when I'd decided to give up teaching so I could stay here in Rosewood with her.

"I guess it's a good thing I keep you around then," I said.

"So the truth comes out. That's all I'm good for," she teased. "Cooking and cleaning."

"Absolutely not. You're also useful for doing laundry," I shot back.

Aria giggled. God, I loved that sound. It was one of my favorite sounds in the world. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it until she came back into my life. Now, I didn't know if I'd be able to live without it. I kissed her head again, then grabbed my phone to call Mrs. Gordon back. But the voice on the other end of the phone wasn't hers.

"Ezra?" Nicole answered.

"Nicole," I said, sounding as shocked as I felt. I had to take a second to collect my thoughts before speaking again. "Um, I was just calling your mom back. She'd called to ask me about stopping in Rosewood on your way back to New York."

"My mom just stepped out for a second and when I saw it was you calling, I answered without thinking," she explained. "She told me about…Spencer and Toby, was it? I remember them. I can't believe it."

"I couldn't either," I told her. "I'm so relieved they're okay. Relatively speaking."

"I can imagine. I guess Aria's not up for a visit right now, is she? I know how close she is with Spencer."

"Actually, I was calling to tell your mom that I just talked to Aria and she's fine with you coming here."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," I told her. "Have your mom call or text with the flight details when you have them so Aria knows when to be home. She'll just go see Spencer before you get here."

"I'll let my mom know," Nicole said. "Tell Aria I really appreciate her being willing to talk to me. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," I choked out, suddenly realizing how soon that really was. "Bye, Nicole."

"Bye, Ezra," she said, then hung up.

I couldn't tell how long I sat there frozen with my phone in my hand. I barely noticed when Aria kissed my shoulder and took the phone out of my hand and set it on the coffee table.

"You know, you're not doing a very good job of convincing me that _you're_ okay with this visit," she said. "If you're freaking out, there's not a snowflake's chance in hell of me staying calm. Between the two of us, we're going to scare Nicole to the point that she's going to run out the door screaming before she gets a word out."

"I just…I didn't know what to say to her then. And while you're in the room, I sure as hell don't know what to say to her. How to make her understand," I sighed.

"I hate to be Captain Obvious here, but you already explained yourself back in Columbia," Aria reminded me. "She knows things will never be the way they were. I think she just needs closure the same way you did. And she feels like talking to me, to us, will give her that. You don't have to explain yourself, Ezra. This is Nicole's time to explain _herself_. And after what she's been through for three years, I'd say she's earned the right to do that."

I had to smile. Aria had always been wiser than I would ever be in a lot of ways. Even when she was in high school. But now that she was older, her wisdom had a different quality to it. Just like her, it had grown and matured. Come into its own.

"I love you," I said quietly, turning to look at her.

"I love you too," she said, smiling, as she kissed me.

The kiss was over almost as soon as it began. And it wasn't nearly enough. I pulled her back in, and she moved so she could straddle my legs. As the kiss deepened, I pulled her closer and slid a hand up the back of her shirt. She responded by slipping her hands under my shirt, then pulling it off completely. I pulled her blouse off and trailed kisses down her neck and shoulder and down to her chest. Aria just sighed and closed her eyes for a minute before pulling me back up for another kiss.

After another few minutes, I happened to glance over at the window and realized that the curtains were open. Which meant we needed to take the activities elsewhere. I stood up to carry her to the bedroom. Aria chuckled between kisses as I walked up the stairs and I couldn't help but laugh with her. I'd forgotten what being truly happy was like until she'd come back into my life. Trying to convince myself I was happy was a poor substitute for the real thing. That was why I'd known that she was home for me almost immediately when she'd come back to Rosewood. That she had always been home. Nothing else could hold a candle to what we had together.

 **Aria**

I walked into Spencer's hospital room the next day feeling a thousand conflicting emotions. Maybe I should have said no. Done this when I didn't have so much else on my mind. I didn't know how I was going to get my head in the right place by the time Nicole got here at seven. I hadn't been lying to Ezra. I wanted to talk to her. Give her a chance to get out whatever she felt like she had to say. But this was just happening so fast. I'd thought I'd have a few days to wrap my head around it.

"Okay, spill," Spencer said when I walked in. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

I chuckled. "You have no idea how ironic what you just said is."

"Start talking," she said slowly as I sat down.

"Um, Nicole is coming to see me and Ezra tonight. So I kind of am going to be seeing a ghost. The ghost of girlfriend past, come back from the dead."

Her eyes got as big as saucers for a second. Clearly she wasn't expecting to hear that.

"Wow," she finally said. "How do you feel about that?"

"Can we start with a less complicated question?" I sighed.

"Okay. How does _he_ feel about it?"

"Still too complicated," I chuckled. "He got the call from her mom right before I got home last night. And we talked about it and I told him it was okay. Then when he went to call her mom back...well, it wasn't her mom on the other end of the phone. And he just...froze. I don't think I've ever seen him like that before."

"Well, you knew this was going to happen sometime, right?" she asked. "He told you she wanted to come visit when he got back."

"Yeah. And I'd say I'm not prepared for it except that I don't think there's really a way _to_ prepare for something like this. It's not like I can just do more push-ups or crunches and suddenly be ready to have a conversation with my fiancé's ex-girlfriend, who just got rescued from being held hostage in the jungle. I mean, that makes what we went through in the dollhouse look like a walk in the park. What do I even say to her?"

"Just let her do the talking. Follow her lead. She obviously has something she wants to say, and you're obviously willing to hear her out. So let her say her piece and go from there."

"I honestly think this would be easier if Ezra wasn't going to be in the room. That's what's freaking me out the most," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Um, they were together for two years. And it was obviously pretty serious since he met her parents. I just don't know what's going to happen when they're in the same room together."

"What, do you think he's going to ask for that ring back?" she chuckled. "Because from where I'm sitting, I'd say that's pretty unlikely. After everything he did to prove to you that you're the one he wants to spend his life with, I don't see him suddenly breaking up with you because his ex is in town and wants to talk to the two of you."

"No, I'm not really scared of that. I guess I'm scared I'll end up feeling like the third wheel. There's a lot of history there. Memories I know nothing about."

"Aria, if anyone in that room is going to feel like a third wheel, it's going to be Nicole. I've been in a room with you and Ezra. And you two seriously make me want to throw up a little," Spencer said. "I'm not even kidding."

"Gee, thanks," I chuckled.

"Hey, I'm not saying I'm any better. I know I was just as bad. With Toby and Caleb."

"Speaking of Caleb, what about him and Hanna?" I laughed.

"Right?" she giggled.

"What about me and Caleb?" Hanna asked as she walked in.

"Oh, just the fact that you two are nauseating," I teased.

" _We're_ nauseating? What about you and Ezra? You two are worse," Hanna giggled.

"See, I'm not the only one who thinks that," Spencer laughed. "You've got nothing to worry about tonight."

"Wait, what did I miss?" Hanna asked. "What's happening tonight?"

"Probably the most awkward dinner I'll ever have in my life," I chuckled. "Nicole is coming for a visit."

"I'd say that goes beyond awkward. That's...painful."

"Hanna! Not helping," Spencer scolded. "We're supposed to be calming her down."

"Why are we calming Aria down?" Emily asked as she and Alison walked in.

"Gang's all here now," I chuckled. "And Em is going to get this more than the rest of you, I think."

"What?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Guess who's coming to dinner?" I sighed.

"Tonight?!" she exclaimed. She clearly knew who I was talking about without needing to be told.

"Yep."

"That's kind of sudden," Alison said. Apparently she'd caught on too. "How are you feeling about that?"

"She's trying to put on a brave face but she's freaking out," Spencer said. "Em, you knew Nicole right?"

"That's why Aria said she thinks I'll get how she feels the most," Emily clarified. "But you have nothing to worry about, Aria. Nicole's a good person. I'm almost positive she's here to wave a white flag of peace. Tell you she doesn't have any hard feelings."

"We'll see. Either that or she wants to challenge me to a duel over Ezra. He's a lot to lose. I wouldn't give him up without a fight," I countered.

"What if I come to the Brew and just happen to be there when she gets there? I want to see her anyway," she suggested. "If it gets too awkward, just text and I'll come upstairs."

"As much as I appreciate that, I'm a big girl. I can handle two hours of awkwardness," I insisted.

"Why handle it by yourself if you don't have to, though?" Alison said. "Emily doesn't have to go up to the loft with you, but if she's just downstairs in the Brew, she'll just be a little extra security if you need it."

"Because Nicole totally won't see through that," Hanna chuckled. "How about if we just hang a sign in the loft that says, 'I'm the most insecure person in the world and I'm afraid you're here to try to steal my fiancé'? I think that would be more subtle."

I blushed and hid my head in my hands, chuckling. She was right. Emily just happening to be there by herself was pretty blatant. We might as well sound sirens and have flashing strobe lights saying she was there as my security blanket.

"Wait, Hanna, what are you and Caleb doing tonight?" Spencer asked.

"Um…nothing that I know of. Why?" she asked, clearly confused.

"You are now. You're going to the Brew with Emily and Alison. Aria, hand me my phone," she instructed.

"Why am I handing you your phone?" I asked as I got it off of the tray next to the bed and handed it to her.

"Because I'm calling Toby," she said. "If you're all there, it'll look less suspicious. You're just a bunch of Aria's friends who happen to be there having coffee. I'd be there too, but I'm in here."

"No, don't call Toby," I told her. "You can't all be there. It has to look like someone's still here with Spencer. God, I can't believe I'm even agreeing to this at all. I feel like a teenager all over again."

"I'm going to ignore the obvious joke about the English teacher," Alison chuckled.

"I appreciate that," I sighed.

"Wait. If Em and Ali just go there by themselves, it'll look like they're on a date," Hanna pointed out.

"Because Emily is totally the type to rub her new relationship in Sabrina's face," I countered. "Why don't the three of you go? Without Caleb?"

"Then we just look like three friends hanging out," Emily agreed. "Yeah, that's probably best."

"I still can't believe I'm agreeing to this. What do I tell Ezra if he sees you guys there?" I chuckled.

"The truth. Tell him even if he doesn't see us," Alison said. "Unless you want to start a new cycle of keeping secrets from him when you think he won't like something?"

"Yeah, because that worked out so well last time," I said sarcastically. "Nope. Never again."

My heart was in my throat when I walked back into the loft a little after six. Ezra was already done cooking. I took some deep breaths before walking up and joining him in the kitchen. I hugged his shoulders and he immediately turned around and gave me a kiss.

"Hey," he said. "I got a call from Nicole's mom about half an hour ago. They'd just picked up their bags, so they should be here in about twenty minutes, if my math is right."

I just nodded. I couldn't really talk. I was way too nervous about this. The closer it got to Nicole's arrival, the more I wished I'd said no. I knew it was immature, but I was shaking in my heels.

"So do you think you might actually say something at some point tonight?" Ezra asked, tilting my chin up so I'd look at him. "Or am I going to have to drag this conversation out of you before she gets here?"

"What conversation is that?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"The one where you tell me this was a terrible idea and you never should have agreed to it. And where I tell you that I'm right there with you now. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea."

I sighed. "You know, it's scary when you read my mind like that. You're wrong on one point, though. I don't think this was a terrible idea. But I will admit that I would rather go get a root canal than do this. This is going to be the most awkward night of my life."

"Really? This tops going to the Osgood and having my mother offer you money to break up with me?" he teased.

I laughed. I couldn't believe I'd almost forgotten about that.

"It's a tie," I conceded. "That was pretty awkward too. Look, I have to tell you something."

"Let me guess. All of your friends are downstairs ready to provide you with an escape if you can't take it anymore?" he chuckled.

Damn. He was good.

"Guilty," I admitted. "Actually, only three of them. Ali, Em, and Hanna. It was Emily's idea, not mine. She wanted to see Nicole anyway. She was the one who organized that Habitat for Humanity trip that Emily went on the summer after Maya died."

"I remember. She was here trying to recruit Emily for the Philippines project that I ended up joining."

"Did building houses make you forget that I was going to be leaving Rosewood for good a couple of months later?" I asked.

"Nope," he chuckled weakly. "Not even close. I told you, nothing really worked. Not until you came back to Rosewood."

I smiled. "Well, I'm not going anywhere now. You're stuck with me for life."

"Thank God," he sighed, pulling me into a hug and kissing my hair.

I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around Ezra's waist. He squeezed me tighter and kissed my head again, then rested his head on top of mine. I couldn't tell how long we'd been standing there like that when my phone buzzed. I checked, and it was a text from Alison.

 _She's here. Emily's talking to her right now. She seemed glad to see Em. Actually started crying a little._

I took another breath and looked at Ezra.

"Showtime," I said. "She's here. Emily's talking to her right now."

He took a deep breath too, and then kissed me with enough passion to light the loft on fire. That was…unexpected, given the circumstances.

"I love you," he said softly, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "And there's nothing that will ever make me change my mind about who I want to spend my life with. It always has been and always will be you."

I smiled. Again with him reading my mind. But this time I was glad. Because some part of me had desperately needed to hear that.

"I love you too," I told him. "Okay, let's have dinner with your ex."

"God, when you say it like that, it makes this even more awkward," he chuckled, kissing me again.

"Well, I could always have Emily come up here as a buffer if you can't handle this," I teased.

"Don't tempt me. That idea actually sounds kind of appealing," Ezra said.

 **Ezra**

I hadn't thought it was possible to get any more nervous about this evening than I already was, but when the knock came on the door, my heart jumped into my throat. I'd be lucky if I could even choke out a greeting. This was so much worse than just breaking the news of my engagement to Nicole in an FBI interrogation room. Part of me was just hoping I wasn't going to have to break up a catfight by the end of the night.

"Ezra, calm down," Aria said quietly as she went to answer the door.

I tried to take some deep breaths, but it just came out as hyperventilation. Breathing normally wasn't going to happen. And neither was forming a coherent sentence. How could Aria be so calm right now?

I answered my own question almost as soon as I thought of it. She could be so calm because she clearly saw that I wasn't. And she knew one of us had to be, so she'd put all of her own fears and insecurities on the back burner once again so she could be calm while I couldn't be.

Aria opened the door, and it was surreal seeing Nicole walk into the loft. Like she was a ghost. It almost didn't feel real. Even though I knew she was alive and I'd even talked to her in Columbia, this was different. This was my loft, not an FBI interrogation room. And my fiancée was the one answering the door and letting her in.

"Aria," Nicole said as she walked in, immediately going for a hug, which Aria hesitantly returned. "Hi."

"Hi, Nicole," Aria said. It was a little tense, but still warm. Really, anyone who didn't know Aria as well as I did wouldn't have noticed anything was amiss in that greeting at all.

Nicole turned to look at me, but try as I might, I couldn't speak. Or move. I was just frozen in place with my heart in my throat. When I didn't say anything, Aria turned to look at me too, giving me a pointed look. Clearly she wasn't happy with my newfound muteness.

"Don't mind Ezra," Aria said after a few seconds of awkward silence. "He's taken up a new habit of turning into a statue when he's nervous."

Nicole and Aria both laughed. Of course they would bond over making fun of me. Go figure. I had to chuckle with them though. At least that had broken the ice.

"I'm not sure which is worse," Nicole chuckled. "That or my habit of rambling nonstop when I'm nervous. Though seeing him at a loss for words is rare."

"You're telling me," Aria said.

God, this was surreal. My fiancée and my ex-girlfriend, who had recently come back from the dead, were in the same room. And getting along without wanting to rip each other's heads off.

"Okay, this is too weird," I finally said, forcing myself to unfreeze.

"He speaks," Nicole teased, mock gasping.

Aria chuckled. "And states the painfully obvious. Though I guess ignoring it doesn't do any of us any good. This _is_ weird."

"Yeah, it is," Nicole agreed. "Did you know Emily's downstairs? It was such a nice surprise to see her again."

"Well as long as we're acknowledging how weird this is, I guess I'll tell you that she and the other two girls she's with are my escape plan," Aria said. "Emily did tell me she wanted to see you anyway though. It was her idea to come here."

"I have no plans to make this any more uncomfortable and awkward than it already is," Nicole said, looking at Aria, then at me. "So hopefully you won't feel the need to escape, Aria. Especially since you're the one I really wanted to talk to."

"So should we kick Ezra out, then?" Aria teased, flashing me a smile to show she was joking.

"Well, it would make it easier for you two to make fun of me," I shot back, pulling Aria into a hug and kissing her head without even thinking about it.

I immediately regretted doing that because I didn't want to make Nicole any more uncomfortable being here than she already was. But surprisingly, Nicole didn't turn her head or even look the slightest bit uncomfortable with it. As a matter of fact, she smiled.

"It's good to see you so happy," she said. "Really. Both of you."

Aria smiled and chuckled a little; I squeezed her shoulder for encouragement.

"Well, should we eat?" I asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Yes, please," Nicole chuckled. "The last time I ate was at the airport in Miami. So at about ten this morning. I'm starving."

"Go sit down," I said to both of them. "I've got it."

Nicole and Aria went to sit in the living room. Surprisingly, Aria looked more uncomfortable than Nicole seemed to be. Nicole just genuinely seemed glad to be here, glad that Aria and I were willing to see and talk to her.

"So, can I be a girl and ask to see the ring?" Nicole asked, like she was talking to an old friend.

Aria laughed. "Sure."

"It's gorgeous," Nicole said after a few seconds. "Very you."

"Yeah, he did good," Aria agreed.

And just like that, she sounded a lot more at ease. Like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Because, well, I was sure it had. We weren't ignoring the elephant in the room anymore. The fact that I'd made my choice about who I wanted to spend my life with and that there was nothing in the world that would make me regret it or change my mind.

"Have you guys set a date yet?" Nicole asked.

"Not yet," Aria sighed. "It's…kind of complicated."

"Yeah, canceling your plans to elope so you could send your fiancé to a different country to find his ex-girlfriend can complicate things," Nicole said as I walked into the room carrying the food, giving Aria a pointed look.

Aria chuckled and put her head in her hands. And soon the chuckle turned into a laugh, and she started shaking her head. Right. I hadn't told her that I'd told Nicole that part.

"Yeah…so I didn't tell her you knew that part of the story," I said, sitting down next to Aria and putting an arm around her shoulders.

"I figured," Nicole chuckled. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Aria. I don't think anyone else in the world would have done what you did. I can't say I would have."

"It wasn't easy," Aria said, finally looking up again. "But it was the right thing to do. You needed him to be there, and he needed the closure."

"You have no idea how much I appreciate it," Nicole said. "You're right. I did need him there. And he needed his chance to tell me about you. Though I knew before he even said anything. I could just…tell. I didn't want to believe it because holding on to the memories of us was the only thing that kept me sane while I was out there, but I knew the second I saw him."

"You did?" I asked, shocked. Based on what she'd said the second I walked into that interrogation room, that was a surprise.

"Give me some credit, Ezra," she said, looking at me for the first time since I'd come into the room. "I know you better than you think. Even after three years."

"Face it, you're pretty much an open book," Aria said. "No pun intended."

I chuckled. "So are you. Pun absolutely intended."

Aria giggled; I kissed her head. I made a mental note to tell her how proud I was of how she was handling this situation. She could have refused to see Nicole altogether or made this unbelievably awkward by acting unnecessarily territorial, but instead she was clearly making an effort to connect with Nicole and try to get to know her. There were people twice her age who wouldn't have handled this unconventional dinner party nearly as well as she was.

Nicole smiled. "You two really are great together. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Aria said quietly, clearly a little uncomfortable.

"I'm not just saying that," Nicole said, looking straight at Aria. "Ezra never stopped loving you, Aria. I knew that, even when we were together. He can tell you, I used to say all the time that I couldn't compete with you. I always knew that if you came back into his life, it would only be a matter of time. I don't have any hard feelings. I want nothing but the best for both of you. And if you'll let me, I would love to be there when you get married. As a friend."

"Of course," Aria sighed. "You're more than welcome to come. Whenever it is."

"If we don't end up in Tuscany," I chuckled. "I'm still not thrilled with the idea of letting my mom have any part in our wedding."

"I still don't get what's so terrible about your mom," Nicole said.

"That's because you haven't met her," I told her.

"How'd you manage to keep that from happening?" Aria asked. "I'd have thought she'd force an introduction like she did with me."

"It helped that we were rarely in the country," I sighed. "I'm not even going to repeat what she said when she found out what happened to you, Nicole. It wasn't exactly civilized."

"I can only imagine," Aria said. "I've never met anyone else who tries so hard to see the worst in people. And coming from me, you know that's saying something."

"It is saying something," I agreed. "But it's true."

"Do I want to know what happened when she met you, Aria?" Nicole asked.

"Oh, she only offered to pay me to break up with Ezra in front of an entire museum full of people," Aria said, like she was telling her something completely normal. "Worked out real well for her too. I don't think she expected to get her ass handed to her on a platter by a seventeen-year-old."

Nicole chuckled. "Wow. I always thought Ezra was keeping me away because he wasn't ready for me to meet his family."

"Nope. The only member of his family who is even remotely agreeable is his brother," Aria sighed.

"You'd call Wes agreeable? Really?" I teased.

"Relatively speaking," she chuckled. "Though I am dreading his best man speech."

"Yeah, I think I might ask your brother to be my best man instead," I laughed.

"His speech wouldn't be any better," Aria giggled. "He's got a pretty great story to tell about socking you in the jaw, if you'll recall."

"Damn it," I chuckled. "I can't win, can I?"

"Nope," she teased.

"Okay, I have to hear that story," Nicole laughed.

I was genuinely shocked at how well the next couple of hours went. It almost felt surreal how well Aria and Nicole got along. It didn't even seem like either of them had to try. They just genuinely seemed to like each other.

After Nicole left, I turned to look at Aria. I'd never been more proud of her in my life. I knew that couldn't have been easy for her, but she'd never let Nicole see how uncomfortable she was. She'd been warm and genuine and really made an effort to get to know Nicole. I opened my mouth to say something, but she beat me to it.

"So...that happened," she said, chuckling.

"Yeah, it did," I chuckled with her. "You were amazing. I know that was hard."

"It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," she said as she walked back to the couch. "Nicole's nice. And I believed every word she said. She really just seemed to want to see us together and see that you were happy. I was afraid she was here to challenge me to a duel over you."

"Even though that's not her style, I'll admit I was a little worried that I'd end up sending you two to separate corners by the end of the night," I admitted as I sat down next to her.

"Because you think that's _my_ style?" she chuckled.

"Absolutely not," I said, giving her a kiss. "But I also remember how you acted with Jackie. So I was prepared for any possibility."

"I was sixteen then, and she wasn't acting any better than I was, if you'll remember. But admit it. The idea of two women fighting over you was a little appealing," she teased.

I laughed. "Maybe a little."

"So you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm curious to know what your mom said when she found out what happened to Nicole," she said cautiously.

"I don't mind telling you," I told her. "I just didn't want to tell Nicole, for obvious reasons. I don't remember word for word, but she said something to the effect of, 'What did she expect when she was in a third world country in the middle of the jungle? I'm sorry it happened, but that was an inevitability.'"

"Tell me you're joking," she gasped, looking horrified.

"I wish I was," I sighed. "That's your future mother-in-law. Having second thoughts about marrying into this family now?"

"No," Aria said as she kissed me. "I'm marrying you, not your mother. You're nothing like her."

"Honestly, one of my worst fears is turning into her one day," I sighed again.

"You won't. Because I won't let you," she assured me. "First, I'll never give you reason to be that bitter. We're not going to turn into your parents. And second, I know already that if and when we have kids, you're going to do the exact opposite of what she did with you. Because I know how hard you've tried to make sure you don't end up like your family. You'll be an amazing father."

I chuckled. "You know, I'm not the only one who can read minds. You're creepily good at it too."

"Or maybe I've just picked up a thing or two over the years," she chuckled with me.

"So, I don't know about you, but I need a shower," I said. "This has been a _long_ day."

"Yeah, it has. But it's over now. Now maybe we can all move on. And after some time has passed, maybe we can even be friends. At least I hope so. I wasn't just acting tonight. I really did like her. And I completely understand what you saw in her."

"Really?" I asked, shocked. "Because I know this is going to sound like something people say, but I can't see it anymore. I honestly don't know if I'd be able to see it anymore even if you and I weren't together."

"It doesn't sound like something people say. It's been three years. You've changed. You've grieved for her and moved on. That would be the case whether or not I'd made the decision to be with you."

"If I'd really changed so much, I wouldn't have still been carrying a torch for you," I countered. "But I was. And I still can't see why I was with her, other than as a rebound. Which, if you ask me, is a pretty crappy reason to start a relationship with someone."

Aria was quiet for a few seconds and looked like she was deep in thought.

"Okay, answer me this. Have I changed? Or am I still the same girl who walked into the Brew five and a half years ago and said goodbye to you on the day I left for college? The same girl you met at the Rosewood Grille seven years ago?" she finally said.

That was actually a good question. And I could see where she was going with this. Maybe. Or maybe I'd be surprised.

"Yes and no," I told her. "Yes, you've changed a lot. You're older and wiser. And much more mature than the girl I met seven years ago or the girl who left for college five years ago. As you should be. But the girl I fell in love with is still there too. All the best parts of you, the parts that made me fall in love with you in the first place, are still there. You're still one of the smartest people I know, you still have the same great taste in music, and you still astound me with your writing. But there are also a thousand new things about you now that made me fall in love with you all over again when you came back into my life."

"Do you see my point?" Aria asked. "Just because you've changed, it doesn't mean that parts of you didn't stay the same. Just because you never stopped loving me doesn't mean that other parts of you haven't changed. Going through something like what you went through when Nicole was kidnapped would change anyone. I love the new you. You're wiser, a little more impulsive, and determined to live every day to its fullest because you know better than most people that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow. But the guy who played B26 on the jukebox, the writer who wanted nothing more than to write a story people could really connect with, the hopeless romantic who tried so desperately to redeem himself that he was willing to die if that was what it took, he's still in there too. And I still love him every bit as much now as I did then."

"Do you know the irony of what you just said?"

"What?"

"Most of those things you just mentioned, the things you said you love about me, they're the things you brought out in me. Then and now," I told her.

"Well, most of the things you love about me are things you brought out in me. I guess that proves this is right. We bring out the best in each other."

I smiled. "You're right. We do."

"Okay, I'm done being philosophical tonight," Aria chuckled as she stood up. "Come on, let's get in the shower and get to bed."

"You won't hear me argue," I said, standing up and taking her outstretched hand.


	5. He Will Admit to Everything

Chapter Five  
 _He Will Admit to Everything_

 **Aria**

I walked down the stairs of the loft feeling both happy and nervous at the same time. Spencer was getting discharged from the hospital today, which I was glad about. But I was nervous about her being at home without constant care. Honestly, she was still several steps down from what I would have considered ready to be discharged. But the Rosewood Public Hospital was a small hospital, and they needed the bed. So Spencer had drawn the short straw.

Ezra was down in the café already, talking to Sabrina. He'd started to take an interest in the business again. He was starting to actually act like he cared about it instead of just depositing the profits in his bank account. I was glad. He needed something to do during the day now that we were pretty much done with the book. With the final draft having been approved, there was nothing for us to do now but wait. Since I'd been playing Nancy Nurse with Spencer, he was pretty much alone all day, every day. And I didn't see that changing now, with her needing help doing even the simplest tasks.

"Hey," Ezra said when he saw me, immediately walking away from Sabrina.

"Hey," I chuckled, giving him a kiss. "You know, I'm pretty sure Sabrina was still talking to you."

"It's not nearly as interesting as talking to you," he teased. "Besides, she's not going anywhere. You are."

"I wish I wasn't. Or at least I wish I wasn't going where I'm headed. Spencer is about ten steps down from ready to be discharged. But the hospital needs the bed, so…" I sighed.

"The wonders of the health care system," he sighed. "Well, if you need an extra set of hands, I'm only a phone call away."

I smiled. "I know. Thanks. I'll see you tonight. We do have a whole new stack of wedding ideas to go through, courtesy of your mother."

"Yeah, don't remind me," he chuckled. "You sure you don't want to head to Tuscany instead?"

"You know I can't now," I reminded him. "For a lot of reasons."

"I know. It wasn't fair to ask you to do that in the first place," Ezra told me, and kissed me. "I love you."

"Love you too," I said. "I'll see you later."

I walked out the door smiling and headed to my car. And found that it wasn't exactly how I'd left it yesterday. It was unlocked, and there was a small box with a bow on it sitting on the seat, with a note attached to the ribbon. I opened the door and picked it up, opening the note.

 _Did you think you were the only girl he bought one of these for?_

It wasn't signed, but I knew who it had to be from. A.D. And I knew what I would probably find inside. With shaking hands, I opened the box and pulled out a ring box. I opened it, and sure enough, there was a diamond ring inside. This one was more traditional than mine, with a normal white diamond and just a plain white gold band. And just to make sure there was no mistaking who had bought the ring, there was a copy of a credit card receipt from three and a half years ago in the box too, with Ezra's signature on it, as clear as day.

I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes. It wasn't jealousy. I'd already known he was serious with Nicole. The fact that he'd planned to propose to her didn't really come as that much of a surprise. It was the fact that he hadn't told me that I was upset about. We'd written that entire book, and he hadn't even bothered to include that pretty major detail, despite the fact that it would have made the story that much more poignant. Why? Why would he have kept that from me? I didn't get it.

I was also a little angry with him because he'd been upset with me for deleting that call, which I'd only done because I wanted to spare him unnecessary pain, while he was keeping the fact that he still had an engagement ring that he'd bought for Nicole from me. He'd been so upset with me that I'd genuinely been afraid he was going to break up with me, but he thought it was okay to keep something like this from me? Really? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

Then there was the fact that he still had it. Why did he still have it? Why hadn't he pawned it or returned it or something? Why had he just kept it? Had part of him been hoping she'd come back so he could marry her instead? Was he still with me because he felt obligated to stay with me since he'd asked me to marry him? This was doing nothing for my already shaky feeling of security with him. Part of me had always wondered if he wouldn't rather be with her. And now, knowing that he'd kept the ring he was going to give to her for all this time, I had to wonder about that again.

But I couldn't deal with any of this now. Spencer needed me. And, if I was being honest, I needed her too. I needed all of my friends. Because I needed their advice. I knew talking to them about this before I talked to Ezra was immature, but I also knew that I was too close to see things rationally. They weren't. They'd be able to give me some perspective. Maybe help me figure out what to say. So I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and drove over to Spencer's house, where I was supposed to meet the rest of my friends. I was supposed to get here early and get the barn set up for her so she could sleep downstairs since she wasn't allowed to climb stairs yet. I walked in, and I brought my unwanted gift with me so I could show my friends when they got there.

Just as I was done setting up the couch, I heard a car pulling up. That would be them. I walked up to the door and wiped away the tears that had started to fall again before opening it. But of course they all knew me too well. Emily was the first to say something.

"Oh, my God," she said when she got out of the back seat of Hanna's car. "Aria, what's wrong?"

I couldn't find words. I just started crying again. Emily ran up to me and gave me a hug, squeezing me tight and rubbing my back. And then I felt another set of arms, and another, and then finally a single arm. That would be Spencer, since one of her arms was in a sling.

"Aria, talk to us," I heard Hanna say. "Tell us what's going on."

I took a breath and backed up so we could go inside. Standing up like this wasn't good for Spencer.

"It's easier if I show you," I sniffled. "But let's get Spencer inside first."

"Okay," Emily said softly. "Come on. I'll start the coffee."

"Already done," I chuckled through my tears. "Let's get you situated, Spence. I've got the couch all set up for you."

"Thanks," she said, squeezing my shoulder.

As soon as Spencer was comfortable on the couch, where she'd be living for at least a few weeks, and we all had cups of coffee, I grabbed the gift box and walked over to hand it to Emily.

"This was on my seat when I got to my car this morning," I told them.

Emily looked at the note and gasped. She slowly opened the box and looked at the ring and credit card receipt, then handed everything to Alison, who was sitting next to her. Alison looked and then handed them off to Hanna, who was sitting next to Spencer on the couch. They both looked at it together.

"Okay, I'm just going to say this because someone has to," Hanna finally said. "Are we sure this is for real? Are we sure this isn't someone just trying to mess with you?"

"Oh, I know it's someone trying to mess with me," I sniffled. "And I don't need three guesses to figure out who. But it's definitely legitimate. That's Ezra's signature. I'd know it anywhere. He bought that ring for Nicole."

"But he didn't give it to her. Why?" Spencer asked.

"You guys will see when you read the book, but I have a feeling I know why. The last time he saw her before she was taken, he tried to get her to leave the camp they were working at with him. He'd rented a house for a few days and wanted to take her on a long weekend trip. But she wouldn't leave. He was pissed and left without her. Two days later, the revolutionaries raided the camp and took everyone hostage. I think he was planning to propose that weekend, but when she wouldn't go with him, it threw a monkey wrench in those plans," I sighed, calming down a little.

"Wait," Emily said. "I read the rough draft. Nowhere in that book was there anything about him buying an engagement ring. Why wouldn't he have included that? That would have made the story even better. I get why he didn't include the fact that he actually left mad at her, but why wouldn't he have included his plans to propose?"

"That's one of the many questions I have to ask him," I admitted. "I have no idea, other than the fact that he obviously wanted to keep this from me for some reason. Is it because I was a substitute?"

"Aria, if you were a substitute, he would have given you this ring, not bought you a different one," Alison said, giving me a look that told me I should have worked that much out for myself.

"But if I'm not, why did he keep this? Why didn't he return it or pawn it or something?" I countered.

"I'm pretty sure he held on to it for a little while hoping they'd find her," Spencer said. "By the time he came to grips with the fact that they probably wouldn't find her, it was probably too late to return it."

"Okay, so why didn't he pawn it then?" I asked.

"There's so much emotion tied to this situation," Emily pointed out. "Be honest. If you were him, would you have just pawned this? Really?"

"Okay, riddle me this," I sighed. "Nicole said he never stopped loving me. He said he never stopped loving me. So why did he buy this ring at all?"

"Tell me that if Liam had proposed to you before Ezra came back into your life, you wouldn't have said yes," Hanna argued. "He was trying to move on. He was trying to make a life with her because he didn't think you'd ever be a part of his life again. At least not like this. I said yes to Jordan because I'd given up on Caleb."

"Yeah, you're right," I sighed. "I probably would have said yes if Liam had proposed before I started getting close with Ezra again."

"I have to throw this idea into the mix too," Emily sighed. "As the only other person here who knows Nicole, I have to wonder if she didn't either find this in Ezra's bag or at least have suspicions. And knowing that he was still in love with you, she didn't want to marry him. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't want to be anyone's consolation prize. Maybe she thought refusing to go with him for the weekend would be easier than saying no while he was down on one knee."

Wait. There was something there. Something horrifying. If she'd found this ring in Ezra's bag before he left that night, she knew he had it. Who else would have known that? Who else would have even known to look for this ring?

"Oh my God," I gasped, only half realizing I was actually speaking out loud.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"You guys are going to hate where my head is right now. But what Emily just said made me think of something awful," I said.

"Made you think of what?" Emily asked slowly.

"If Nicole did find this ring in Ezra's things, she would have known he had it. Who else would have? For that matter, who else would have cared about it?" I asked.

"Aria, she wouldn't do this to you," Emily countered. "She told me as she was leaving that night that she was glad you and Ezra had found each other again. That she loved seeing you two so happy together. So why would she do this?"

"Maybe she didn't do it, but what if she told someone who would do it? Someone who did want to get inside my head?" I countered.

"So you think she's working with A.D.?" Hanna asked. "How? She's been in the jungle for three years."

"Unless she hasn't," Alison said. "It's a terrible thought, but Aria might be onto something. It is awfully convenient that they _only_ found her when they sent the search parties back out after raiding the revolutionaries' camp."

"Why would she lie, though? Why would she torture him by letting him think she was either held hostage or dead for all this time?" Spencer countered.

"I let you guys think I was dead for over two years," Alison pointed out. "I felt like it was too dangerous for you to know the truth."

"Wait, so what are we saying? Are we saying that we think Nicole was trying to keep the truth from Ezra?" Emily asked.

"Or from both me and Ezra," I realized. "She did genuinely seem to like me and genuinely seem to be happy for us. I know fake, and that wasn't fake. What if she was kidnapped, but not by the revolutionaries?"

"We're jumping on this train awfully fast," Spencer said. "Let's slow down for a second. A used to know things about all of us that we didn't think anyone else knew. A knew about you and Ezra when you managed to keep it a secret from _everyone_. A found out about Malcolm somehow. And in case you haven't realized it, A.D. is like A on steroids. So maybe A.D. just happened to find out about Ezra buying a ring for Nicole and acted on a hunch that he still had it when they looked into pawn shop records and realized he hadn't pawned it."

"Yeah, you're right," I agreed. "Other than the fact that this ring was clearly for Nicole, I have no reason to think that."

"But you do need to talk to Ezra," Emily said. "No matter who did this or why, you can't let it come between you. Remember you told us about him promising that he wasn't going to let A.D. come between you anymore?"

"I remember," I told her.

"So you can't either. You have to talk to him. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this. Just like I was sure there was a logical explanation for what happened in Columbia. You can't let yourself get so worked up over a stupid ring that you lose sight of what's really important."

"What's important is that he kept this from me. He didn't want me to know about it," I sighed. "He was so angry with me for deleting that call, and all this time he was hiding the fact that he still had an engagement ring that he'd planned to give to Nicole in that loft."

"Can I take you on a little trip down memory lane?" Spencer asked.

"Sure. Where are we headed on this trip?" I asked.

"To the night you and Ezra got back together after you broke up with Jake in our senior year of high school," she said. "Jake saw Ezra talking to a woman outside the Grille. And he told you about it. When you confronted Ezra about it, he told you that it was Maggie's lawyer. Because he still wanted to be able to see Malcolm and Maggie was trying to prevent it. But instead of telling you about any of that, he lied to you and told you he was going to Philly for the day to catch up with an old friend from college. You asked him why he lied and he told you that Maggie and Malcolm being in his life destroyed your relationship once and that he didn't want to take the chance that telling you about fighting for visitation rights would upset you. Maybe he was doing the same thing this time. He knows how insecure you are about this relationship. He knows you're a little jealous of the fact that she still means something to him, even though he's told you time and again that she doesn't mean near as much to him as you do. Maybe he didn't tell you that he was going to propose to Nicole because he didn't want to add to it."

"I told him that night that our relationship was only going to work if we were honest with each other," I countered. "That's even truer now than it was then. We're getting married. And a marriage won't work if we fall back into this habit of keeping secrets from each other when we think the other person won't like something."

"Which is why you should go talk to him. Right now," Hanna said. "If you wait, you'll just psych yourself out of it."

"I can't leave right now," I said.

"Yes, you can," Spencer insisted. "I have three other people here with me. I'll be fine. Talking to your fiancé is more important right now. Go home."

 **Ezra**

I could tell something was very wrong with Aria the second she walked into the Brew. I was still down in the café with Sabrina when she walked in with red eyes. She'd clearly been crying. And this was obviously bad, because she hadn't even been at Spencer's place for an hour. I hadn't been expecting her back until at least dinnertime. She either didn't see me or was purposely ignoring me, because she just headed right upstairs to the loft.

"Sabrina, I'm sorry—" I started.

"Go," she interrupted me. "I saw her."

I took the stairs two at a time and walked into the loft to find Aria sitting on the couch staring off into space, new tears forming in her eyes. I could tell she knew I was in the room, but she didn't look at me or talk to me. That meant she was upset with me for something. Or at least I had something to do with whatever she was upset about. Which had clearly happened in the past hour, because she had been all smiles when she'd left this morning. I took a breath and went to sit next to her, deliberately leaving a little space between us, much as it killed me. If she was upset with me, I knew trying to comfort her physically would only make it worse.

"Aria, what's wrong?" I asked quietly.

She took a deep breath and wiped the tears out of her eyes before opening her purse and grabbing a small cardboard box with a ribbon tied around it. She also took a small piece of paper out and handed the box and the paper to me.

"This was on my seat when I got to my car this morning," she said, her voice breaking.

I knew what was in the box the second I read the note, but I still opened it and looked to find the engagement ring I'd bought for Nicole and the credit card receipt with my signature on it inside. And I kicked myself over and over again. I'd always meant to tell her about that ring and my plans to propose to Nicole, from the second we started getting close again. But I couldn't bring myself to do it for a couple of reasons. Partially because I knew she was insecure about us and I didn't want to add to it.

Mostly, though, it was because I was ashamed of my feelings about what had ended up happening instead. The feelings of relief that I'd been saved, however terribly, from making the worst mistake of my life. It hadn't just been since Aria had come back into my life that I'd felt that way. I'd even felt it a little bit right when it happened. The second she'd refused to come with me that weekend. What kind of man was actually a little glad his girlfriend had been abducted because it had saved him from making the mistake of proposing to her because he knew he would have been settling for second best? Really? The guilt of that feeling had been eating at me for years. Keeping that ring had been a little masochistic. Because it had been a constant reminder of my guilt. And that was why I could never bring myself to get rid of it. Part of me felt like I deserved to be reminded of what a terrible person I was.

I opened my mouth to start doing the serious explaining I knew I needed to do, but Aria spoke before I could get a word out.

"Before you say anything, can I say what I need to say about this?" she asked.

I nodded, not saying a word.

She took a breath. "I need you to know that I'm not jealous. That's not what me being upset is about. I don't think I feel like a consolation prize. If I was, I'd be wearing that ring, not a different one."

I smiled a little. She was right about that. If anyone was a consolation prize, it was Nicole, not her. And that was kind of the whole point of all of this.

"And I'd like to take a guess at the story behind this ring before you tell me. Because I think I understand why you never got rid of it. That night, the night you tried to get Nicole to leave with you and she wouldn't go, you were planning to propose to her, right?"

"Yes," I said simply.

"Okay. So why didn't you tell me? And why didn't you include that in the book? It would have made an even better story. I think you know that as well as I do."

"Because the way I feel about that part of the story is anything but romantic," I sighed. "Is it my turn to talk yet?"

"Yes. If only because I'm really confused now," she chuckled through her tears.

I chuckled too. Of course she was confused. Anyone would be.

"I knew even when I bought the ring that something wasn't right about it," I started. "Nicole wasn't lying to you a couple of weeks ago. She knew I was still in love with you and she used to tell me all the time that she couldn't compete with you. I would always tell her that no one was asking her to, but part of me knew she was right. But I also thought at the time that I'd be lucky if I ever even saw you again. I was the idiot who let you go. And at least when I was building houses in third world countries with Nicole, it kept me distracted enough that I wasn't constantly thinking about you. I guess I thought that if I married her, at least I would be distracted for the rest of my life. Not pining over the one who got away."

Aria chuckled again. "I know that feeling. Because I was doing the same thing with Liam. Distracting myself."

"So then Nicole refused to leave with me, and I left anyway. I'd paid for the house, so I figured I might as well get some use out of it. And that night, when I got there, I realized I'd been about to make a huge mistake. I wasn't quite ready to break up with her yet, but I knew asking her to marry me was wrong. No one should ever get married knowing they're a consolation prize, and she knew she was. I knew I'd have to work myself up to being able to stand breaking up with her. Because I did care about her. And I did love working with her. I felt like I was doing something good, something worthwhile."

"Because you were," she said. "You changed a lot of lives, Ezra. I'm proud of the work you did in Columbia and the Philippines and everywhere else you went. It's incredible."

"I knew I was doing something worthwhile, but I also knew that staying with her just because I liked doing humanitarian aid work was wrong. Then, the next night I saw on the news that she and the rest of the people we were with had been abducted. And of course, I was devastated. Anyone would have been. But a small part of me was glad. Glad that I'd been saved from actually doing what I'd known I needed to do: breaking up with her. What kind of person thinks that way when his girlfriend has just been abducted?" I said, shaking my head and starting to cry.

"Ezra," Aria said softly, moving closer to me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"As time went on, I suppressed those feelings. I tried to convince myself that I had really been in love with her. That I'd just been getting cold feet. And it worked for a little while, sort of. I drank myself into a stupor and it helped me forget about what a horrible person I was. I thought about returning the ring, but by the time I was convinced she wasn't coming back, it was too late. And then I thought about pawning it, but something always kept me from doing it. I think subconsciously I felt like I needed to be reminded somehow of my real feelings about what had happened and what kind of person I really was. Pretty masochistic, but there you have it. That's why I never included my plans to propose in the book. Because it didn't fit in with the love story I'd convinced myself of," I finished. "And I guess besides that, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel like _you_ were a consolation prize. Because you aren't."

"I know," she said, squeezing my shoulder. "I know I'm not. But there is one more thing I need to say about this. I don't want to rub it in or make you feel even worse than you already do, but here it is. You should have told me. This relationship isn't going to work if we're not honest with each other, if we keep secrets from each other because we think the other person isn't going to like something. You were so angry that you almost broke up with me when you found out I deleted that call, and all the while you were keeping the fact that you still had an engagement ring that you'd planned to give to another woman here in the loft where I slept from me."

Wow. When she said it like that, it sounded godawful. Well, I already knew it was godawful, but now it seemed even worse. God, I was a hypocrite. There was something else to add to the list of things I had to feel guilty about for the rest of my life. Was it even possible for me to do anything right when it came to women I cared about?

"You're right," I told her. "I'm such a hypocrite. I'm an awful person. God, I don't know how you can even look at me right now. You should have walked out the door already."

"That's not going to happen," Aria said. "I'm not going anywhere. You're not a bad person, Ezra. A bad person wouldn't feel so guilty over being a little relieved that he'd been saved from making a mistake. If you really think you were about to make a mistake. I'm not convinced you were. You were trying to move on. Just like I was. I have to admit, if Liam had proposed before you came back into my life, I probably would have said yes. Because I tried to convince myself I was happy with him. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be alone, even if you can't be with the person you really want to be with. But if you thought you were about to make a mistake, if you felt like you needed to break up with her, I can understand feeling a little relieved that you didn't have to have that difficult conversation, no matter the circumstances surrounding being saved from it."

"And you say _I_ look at _you_ through rose-colored glasses," I chuckled, sniffling a little bit.

"I'm not just saying that because it's you," she insisted. "I'd be telling anyone that. But you have to forgive yourself. You have to find a way to give yourself closure and put all of this behind you. I don't think we'll ever really be able to move on from the past until you do. I think it goes without saying that part of that is letting that ring go. And I'm not coming from a jealous place when I say that."

"I know," I said, wiping the tears out of my eyes. "And you're right. But I don't really know what to do with it. It doesn't feel right to pawn it."

"No, I agree," Aria told me. "It's not right to pawn it. If you're open to it, I have an idea. It's not exactly conventional, but it's symbolic and I think it'll give you the closure you need. If you're really ready."

I pulled her into a hug, burying my face in her shoulder and just holding her tight for a minute before I spoke. The two words I was about to say were only slightly less life-changing than the two words I'd say to her at the altar one day in the not-so-distant future. And I had to be sure I really meant them before speaking them out loud. Because I couldn't lie to her. I never wanted to lie to her again.

"I'm ready," I finally said. "What's your idea?"

A few hours later, Aria and I pulled into the parking lot of a cemetery in Queens. The cemetery where the headstone with Nicole's name on it and the coffin full of her things were. Aria hadn't been kidding when she'd said her idea wasn't conventional. But she was right about it being symbolic. It was perfect. Just like her.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Aria asked as she turned off the car and turned to look at me. It was the first thing either of us had said, other than me giving her directions to get here.

"I'm sure," I told her. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have let you waste three-quarters of a tank of gas coming here."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes," I said immediately. "I need you to see this. See that I didn't chicken out and not follow through."

"Okay, let's go," she said, getting out of the car and grabbing the shovel out of the backseat.

I got out of the car and took a deep breath as I shut the door. Aria pressed the button on her key fob to lock the car.

"It's this way," I said quietly, walking through the gate and towards Nicole's empty grave.

I heard Aria following me, but she didn't say anything. Really, what was there to say? Except for me giving her a proper apology and doing something huge to make up for this. But it didn't feel right to apologize before we were done with this. What was I supposed to say? "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this. Now come watch me bury the engagement ring I bought for my ex-girlfriend." That just seemed wrong on so many levels.

When we got to the grave, Aria handed me the shovel without a word. I dug a hole about two feet deep. Deep enough that someone wouldn't see that there was something of value under the ground and hopefully deep enough that anyone with a metal detector would miss it too. When I was satisfied I'd dug down deep enough, I put the ring (still in its box) in the hole and covered it back up with dirt. I just wished there was a way for it not to be obvious someone had dug here recently. But there wasn't.

Aria put a hand on my arm, and I turned to look at her for the first time since we'd entered the cemetery. She had a couple of tears in her eyes.

"I'm going to go back to the car," she said. "But I want you to stay here for at least a minute or two. I know why you feel like you can't tell Nicole anything about this, but you need to say what you're feeling out loud. So talk to her now. Say the things you wish you could say to her. Just like if she was really buried here."

I nodded, and Aria turned and walked away. As soon as she was gone, I turned back to the headstone. I paused for a second before speaking.

"God, I don't even know where to start," I said. "I'm sorry, Nicole. I screwed up. Badly. I bought that ring thinking that I could make myself happy with you, but I always knew it wasn't right. That I was settling for second best. And you don't deserve that. You deserve so much better. You're one of the most amazing people I've ever known and you deserve to be someone's first choice. I'm convinced you'll find that someone. Because any guy would be lucky to have you. Maybe if I'd met you first, I'd be that guy. But I didn't meet you first. I met someone else. Someone society said I shouldn't have fallen in love with. And I fell in love with her anyway, and what we had together was real and beautiful. But I screwed things up with her too. Right and left. And maybe because of how badly I screwed up with her, when I suggested that we break up so she could go to college and really move on with her life after having so many awful things happen to her in high school, she agreed with that suggestion. I let her go because I thought I was doing right by her. But it hurt worse than you know. You made the pain almost go away, and that was why I bought that ring. I bought it because I was afraid of being alone and having the pain come back. The night I left angry, the last time I saw you before you were taken, I was going to ask you to marry me. I was going to build a life with you. But part of me was relieved when you didn't come with me. Because that part of me knew I was making a mistake. And that part of me was almost relieved when you were taken because it meant that I didn't have to have the difficult conversation I was preparing to have with you. I didn't have to tell you that our relationship wasn't fair to you. I didn't have to tell you I was breaking up with you because you deserved better than someone who was trying to forget about the girl he let get away. And I've felt guilty about that for so long. That was why I held on to this ring. To remind me of that guilt. But I have to move on now. I have to let the guilt go, and I have to let you go. Really let you go. Because I'm about to marry the girl I really wanted to marry all along. And I can't have this tying me down and holding me back from the happiness I know I can have with her. I'm so sorry, Nicole. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to tell you this in person. To do what I should have done all those years ago and let you go. So this is me doing that. This is me letting you go and moving on. You'll always have a special place in my heart. But it's time for me to let go of the past so I can finally look to the future."

I was crying by the time I was done. So I stood there and just let it happen. I let myself get it out, and about ten minutes later, it stopped. And I felt like I'd closed a chapter of my life. Really closed it. I took a deep breath and walked away towards the new chapter I was getting ready to start.

Aria was leaning against her car, waiting for me to come back. She stood up when she saw me, and I quickened my pace, desperate to finally apologize for the pain I'd caused her. I walked up and hugged her, trying to find the right words.

"I don't know what to say to you," I finally said, pulling back just far enough that I could look her in the eyes. "I have no idea how to make this right. I'm so sorry, Aria. I'm sorry you had to find out about this from an anonymous freak who wanted to mess with your head. I should have told you. I should have told you before I even asked you to marry me. I know this means almost nothing to you right now, but I promise you, no more secrets. Ever. And I also promise you that the Nicole drama is over. Really over."

"As long as we're apologizing, I'm sorry I talked to my friends about this before talking to you about it," Aria said. "I should have come straight back into the Brew and talked to you."

I chuckled. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who screwed up. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately."

"Me too," she chuckled with me. "I'm far from innocent in this."

I kissed her, pouring all of the heartache I felt at how deeply I'd hurt her into it. And she was the one who broke it, gasping for breath.

"I love you so much," I said quietly.

"I love you too," she said.

"So, I did a thing while we weren't talking on the way here," I told her.

"What kind of thing?"

"The kind of thing that involves making a reservation at my favorite restaurant in Manhattan and booking a hotel room in Times Square for tonight."

Aria chuckled. "Groveling, are we?"

"Pretty much," I admitted. "But I figured since we're in New York City anyway, we might as well take advantage of it. So, will you spend the night in the city with me?"

"Yes, I will accept your peace offering," she teased, giving me another kiss. "Ready to get out of here?"

"You have no idea," I sighed. "Let's go."

"Do you want to drive, since you know where we're going and I don't?"

"Sure," I chuckled, taking the keys from her and getting into the driver's seat.

"You know, we need to get the locks changed in the Brew," Aria said when she got into the car. "The business doors and the loft. Someone clearly got in while neither of us was home or while we were asleep."

"I can't believe I didn't think of that," I said, feeling like an idiot. "What would I do without you?"

"End up with a bunch of moldy food in the fridge and your loft and business cleaned out because you didn't think to change the locks after someone broke in, apparently," she giggled.

I laughed as I leaned over and kissed her. And in that moment, more than ever before, I knew I'd made the right decision. Because the woman I was in this car with was the one who had inspired and challenged me every day from the moment I'd met her. She had been my rock and helped me to move on from the overwhelming, all-consuming grief I'd been wallowing in when she'd walked back into my loft after five years. And she always saw the best in me, even when I couldn't see it in myself.


	6. Some Sort of Window to Your Right

**(Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me a while to update this, guys. There are two reasons for it. The first is that I've been so pissed off at the Ezra/Aria storyline since the show came back on that I've found it hard to write about them. The second is really the more important reason. I've decided to try my hand at writing an original story. The two main characters are kind of similar to Aria and Ezra, but only insofar as it's a student/teacher relationship. Everything else is pretty different. So I've kind of gotten lost in that story and those characters. By the way, if anyone knows of a good site similar to this one where you can publish original stories, please share. I'm eventually looking to get it published, but I'd like to get some feedback on it first.)**

Chapter Six  
 _Some Sort of Window to Your Right_

 **Aria**

"Spence, are you sure you'll be okay?" I asked over the phone.

"Yes, Mom, I'll be fine," she teased. "Don't worry about me. You and Ezra need the quality time. Away from everything that's happening here."

"Okay," I sighed. "If you need me, just call. Ezra and I are back in the car immediately."

"Don't hold your breath. The only way I'm calling is if I end up back in the hospital," Spencer said. "So why the spur of the moment trip to New York?"

"It's kind of a long story."

"Okay, I can take a hint," she chuckled. "I'll shut up now. You go have fun with your fiancé."

"Thanks," I chuckled with her. "I'll see you in a few days."

I hung up and turned to Ezra, who was still on the phone. Even though we'd decided to extend our time in New York, he didn't want to wait to change the locks in the Brew. So he had called Sabrina and made sure she'd be able to be there when they changed the locks and asked if she would mind holding our new loft keys for us. And now it sounded like he was on the phone with a locksmith. I went to the loveseat he was sitting on and curled up next to him. He put an arm around me and kissed my head.

I was glad this room had been available for another couple of days. Because Spencer had been right. For the past month, it seemed like it was one thing after another with us. And especially after the engagement ring fiasco yesterday, we really needed some quality "us" time. I wasn't mad at him anymore. Not even close. I'd stopped being mad at him when I'd seen how torn up he was about the ring and the circumstances surrounding the reason he'd kept it. But it was still just an emotional day all around. We needed the escape from real life for a few days.

Ezra hung up and I felt rather than saw him look down at me. He kissed my head again and squeezed me tight.

"Spencer okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. She said the only way she's going to call me is if she ends up back in the hospital," I chuckled.

"Hopefully that doesn't happen," he sighed. "Selfishly, because I really want a few days alone with you."

"I know. Me too," I agreed. "I'd say we've earned it."

"I'm so sorry, Aria," Ezra said. He sounded like he was trying to keep his voice from breaking. "I never wanted to be the person who added more pain to your life. I wanted to be the person who lessened your pain."

"Remember how we weren't going to think about that while we're here?" I reminded him.

"I know," he sighed. "But I can't help it. It seems like the universe is conspiring against us. Nothing has been easy from the second we got engaged. The first time."

I chuckled. I liked how he actually separated the times we'd gotten engaged. He was such a dork. But I loved him. More than I knew it was possible to love another person.

"So how are we distracting ourselves today?" I asked.

"You're going to laugh at me. But there's something I've always wanted to do in New York and my parents would never hear of it because it wasn't sophisticated enough for them."

I laughed. I was almost positive I knew what he was talking about. This was a side of Ezra I'd never seen before. And it was adorable.

"You want to go to Coney Island," I guessed.

"Yes. Yes, I do," he chuckled.

"I'm down. But you're not getting me on that roller coaster."

"You're no fun," he teased.

"Know what's even less fun? Me throwing up in a trash can afterwards," I said. "Roller coasters aren't my thing."

"So you'd deprive me of making a childhood dream come true?" he asked pathetically.

"That's not fair," I giggled. "Now you're trying to send me on a guilt trip by being cute."

"Is it working?"

I paused for a minute, like I was considering it. But knowing how happy it would make him, I'd already decided I'd put up with the nausea.

"Okay, fine. But not after lunch," I finally said. "Or you really will get to witness me puking in a trash can, which I'm sure you don't want to see."

"Deal," Ezra chuckled, kissing my head.

We took the subway and then a bus to Coney Island, and I talked Ezra into getting the dreaded roller coaster out of the way first. And the fact that it was wooden and rickety did not help my nausea at all. I even tried closing my eyes, but it did nothing either. I'd known this was a bad idea. My tolerance for roller coasters had not increased since I was a kid. Spencer was going to give me a hard time for this. The last time I'd been on a roller coaster, we'd been in middle school and I'd thrown up all over both of us.

"You okay?" Ezra asked when we got off.

"You'd better remember that, because it's never going to happen again," I said, my voice shaking. I was legitimately trying not to throw up.

"Come here," he said. "Sit down for a minute."

He led me to a bench, and I sat down and put my feet up on the edge and put my head between my knees. He rubbed my back for a minute before speaking again.

"You know you didn't have to do that, right?" he asked.

"I know," I told him. "But it was worth it to see you smile. I haven't seen enough of that lately."

He chuckled weakly. "I'm not smiling now. I hate seeing you like this and knowing it's my fault. So how about if the only other time I see it is if we have kids in a few years? No more thrill rides. Deal?"

"Deal," I chuckled. Ugh. That didn't feel good. I groaned.

"I'll be right back," Ezra said, kissing my shoulder.

I felt rather than saw him get up from the bench. I still hadn't picked my head up from between my knees. He was back within five minutes.

"Can you pick your head up, babe?" he asked softly, rubbing my back again.

I tried, and while I felt a wave of nausea, I managed to keep from throwing up. I turned to look at Ezra and he was holding a bottle of water. The concern I saw on his face made me melt a little.

"Drink this slowly," he said, opening the water and handing it to me.

I smiled and took the water from him, taking small sips. The nausea went away a little, but I wasn't quite ready to stand up yet. I leaned against his shoulder; he wrapped his arm around me, pulled me close, and kissed my head.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I sighed after a couple of minutes.

"If I recall correctly from the last wedding I attended, there's something about 'in sickness and health' in the vows we're getting ready to take," he said. "It's my job to take care of you when you're sick, not turn away because I don't like seeing it. Especially when it's my fault."

I chuckled weakly. "Give me a couple more minutes, then we can go to the Boardwalk."

"Take as long as you need," he told me, kissing my head again. "There are worse places I could be right now."

"Such as?"

"South America. I don't think I ever want to go back there again."

"That sucks, because I was actually kind of hoping to join a Habitat for Humanity project or some other humanitarian work at some point," I said.

"Really?" he asked, sounding shocked.

"Yeah. I thought about it even before we got back together, but if you can stand building houses without it bringing back painful memories, I would love to take a trip and do that with you," I told him.

Ezra slowly tilted my chin up, I could tell making sure he wasn't going to make me sicker, and kissed me softly. And I saw the smile I'd been waiting to see all day.

"You have no idea how much I would love that," he said. "Maybe not to Columbia though."

"South America is a pretty big place," I reminded him. "And there's Central America, Africa, Asia, Europe. I'm sure we can find somewhere else to go."

He smiled again. "I'm sure. Maybe somewhere I haven't been before. Without baggage attached."

I smiled too, and hugged him. It meant even more to me that he wanted to go somewhere new with me, to make new memories rather than relive old ones. Though I wouldn't have minded if he had wanted to go somewhere he'd gone with Nicole. I wasn't that petty and jealous.

My phone buzzed. I sat up and took it out of my pocket. There was a multimedia message from a blocked number. I looked and it was a picture of Ezra digging a hole in front of Nicole's grave yesterday. It was zoomed in so it wasn't obvious I had been there with him. And then there was another one of him sitting next to the freshly filled hole and crying that broke my heart. It must have been from after I left him there for a little bit to say what he was feeling out loud. The message underneath the pictures was slightly humorous and made me uneasy at the same time.

 _Things you see in a graveyard…_

I couldn't help chuckling a little. My roommate freshman year had been way into musicals and theater (what else would you expect at an arts college?) and one night when I was bored I had ended up watching _Repo! The Genetic Opera_ with her. And as dark and twisted and…well, not me…as that movie had been, I'd actually enjoyed it and it had helped me to start getting along with my roommate more. She was a little obsessed, so I'd watched it with her fairly often and even gone to an event with her where we got to meet the director and composer (who was also one of the stars). That message was a line from the movie. I wondered if that was a coincidence or if A.D. had been keeping tabs on my friends and I (and maybe even our old boyfriends from Rosewood) while we had been away.

"What's funny?" Ezra asked.

"I'm laughing to keep from freaking out," I sighed, showing him my phone.

He looked and sighed.

"Of course," he said. "Why wouldn't this creep have followed us there?"

"That caption in the message actually makes me think this person has been keeping tabs on us since we left Rosewood," I told him.

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "My roommate freshman year was a theater kid. Go figure at an arts college. Anyway, I ended up watching this independent movie musical with her one night when I was bored. _Repo! The Genetic Opera._ It's dark and twisted and I was actually surprised I liked it. But it kind of helped me connect with her and helped us get along better. The caption? It's a line from one of the songs. Maybe it's a coincidence, but I've done this enough to know not to assume anything when it comes to these people."

"You're right. Nothing's a coincidence, as far as I'm concerned. And that _is_ a strange way to word what they were trying to say. They didn't say, 'I know where you were yesterday' or 'I saw you digging in a cemetery.' They used a line from a movie you watched four, almost five, years ago."

"To be fair, I didn't just watch it once. Tracy was kind of obsessed. I even ended up going to an event with her where we got to meet the creators. And I almost left after she pretty much had a heart attack when one of the guys shook her hand. But yeah, the point remains the same. They worded that pretty strangely. Look, I know this is supposed to be 'us' time, but I'm going to call Spencer when we get back to the hotel tonight," I told him. "I think this is something my friends need to know about."

"I agree," he said. "And were you really so desperate to make friends that you watched a B movie musical multiple times and paid actual money to meet the guys who wrote it?"

I chuckled. "Hey, don't knock it 'til you've seen it. It's pretty brilliant, in a sick and twisted sort of way. And speaking of friends, are you okay with me telling the girls what we were doing in the cemetery yesterday?"

"Well, they already know about the ring, right?"

"Yeah," I sighed. I still felt bad about talking to them about that before I talked to him.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, kissing my head. "If I'd been in your shoes, I would have wanted advice from my best friends too. I know you were too close to the situation to think rationally about it. My point was, if they already know about it, I really don't care if they know what we did with it."

"What _you_ did with it," I corrected him. "I just stood there and watched."

"You were still there. If someone had called the cops, you would have been arrested for grave robbing just like me," he chuckled.

Wait. Grave robbing. Suddenly a horrible thought occurred to me.

"Ezra, we should go back there," I said. "If A.D. followed us, I have a bad feeling about this."

"I was thinking the same thing. Are you okay to ride the subway?" he asked.

"Honestly? How much longer would it take to take the bus? This really didn't help the nausea."

"Longer than it would take to get a cab," he said. "Come on. Let's go."

"Hey, at least we got to make your childhood dream come true before our plans for the day got de-railed," I chuckled as we stood up. Another unexpected wave of nausea hit me and I clutched my stomach.

"Confession time. I just really wanted to get you on that roller coaster," he teased. "Not worth it."

"Jerk," I laughed, playfully slapping his arm. "I don't know how yet, but I _will_ get you back for that."

As we pulled up to the cemetery an hour and a half later, Ezra stopped me as I was getting ready to open my car door.

"What is it?" I asked.

"That's Mrs. Gordon's car," he told me, pointing to a red SUV parked a few spaces down from us.

Now that he said that, I had to revisit Alison and I's thought yesterday. Of Nicole having been kidnapped by A.D. instead of the revolutionaries. Why else was she here the day after we had buried that ring? I knew it was far-fetched, but it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility. But until I had more proof, I wasn't going to say anything to Ezra about it. This was his ex-girlfriend. Almost his ex-fiancée. He still cared a lot about her. I wasn't about to accuse her of being in cahoots with the people who were trying to ruin my life without more proof.

"So are you saying you don't want me to meet your ex-girlfriend's parents?" I asked.

"I'm just not sure how we're going to explain why we're here," he said. "I can't exactly come out and tell them we're trying to make sure the engagement ring I bought for their daughter is still buried here."

"Tell them I wanted to come. That's not an unrealistic thing to say," I told him. "I'm not going to sit here in a parking lot for God knows how long."

"Okay," he said, giving me a kiss.

"Look, I'm not expecting them to be thrilled about meeting me," I said. "I'm fully aware that this is going to be awkward. But they know about me already. So how bad can it really be?"

"You're right," Ezra sighed. "Let's go."

We got out of the car and walked into the cemetery and towards Nicole's headstone. And when we were about halfway there, we saw Nicole and her parents walking back towards the parking lot.

"Ezra," Nicole said. "Aria. What are you doing here?"

"Um…" Ezra said, like he'd completely forgotten the story I'd just fed him.

"I wanted to come," I said after a few seconds. "Ezra and I decided to come to New York for a few days and I asked him to bring me here. I guess it's kind of morbid."

"No, it's not," Nicole said. "I asked to come here too. I wanted to see this place. I guess I feel like that version of me did die, in a way. I wanted to come and see it."

"It looks like some idiot tried to dig down to the coffin or something, though," Mr. Gordon said. "But it looks like they didn't get very far. The spot wasn't very big at all. Guess they got tired."

"Not that I would know from experience, but I'd guess grave robbing is harder than it seems," I chuckled awkwardly.

"Probably," Nicole chuckled.

"Are you going to introduce us, Ezra?" Mrs. Gordon asked.

"Sorry," Ezra said, seeming to snap out of the daze he'd fallen into. "This is my fiancée, Aria. Aria, I guess you figured out these are Nicole's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Gordon."

"It's nice to meet you," I said, shaking their hands.

"Well, we should be going," Mrs. Gordon said. "Do you two have plans for dinner tonight? We'd love if you could join us."

I looked at Ezra, trying to take a cue from him. I didn't want to be rude and say no, and I did kind of want an opportunity to feel Nicole out a little bit. See if I thought she might have had anything to do with this. But I also didn't want to force Ezra into spending an evening with his ex and her parents if he didn't want to.

"I'm sorry, but we actually have a reservation in Manhattan tonight," he said. "And theater tickets."

"Sounds like fun. What show?" Nicole asked. She could clearly tell he was lying.

" _Phantom,_ " he said without hesitation. Damn, he was good.

"Well, have fun. And the dinner invitation is an open one," Mrs. Gordon said. "It was nice to meet you, Aria."

"You too," I said, trying my best to be charming. But I was a little too stressed out for it to work.

We walked in opposite directions and as soon as we got to the grave, I turned to Ezra.

"You were that desperate to get out of having dinner with your ex's family that you lied about having a reservation and theater tickets?" I chuckled.

"Who said I was lying?" he teased.

"The fact that we don't have any theater-appropriate attire with us says you were lying."

"And there are no clothing stores in Times Square?"

"Are you trying to tell me I need to go clothes shopping this afternoon?" I asked slowly.

"Possibly," Ezra said, grinning. "I'm sure that'll be torture for you."

Yep. He'd spent God knew how much money on theater tickets at the last minute. He really was groveling. And suddenly the absurdity of what this day was going to consist of made me start cracking up.

"What?" he laughed with me.

"Think about what this day's agenda has turned into," I giggled. "Because this is totally a typical day in New York City."

Ezra started laughing too.

"I'm going to go make sure the coast is clear and get what we need," he said when he'd caught his breath. "We are on a little bit of a time crunch."

He kissed my head and left for a couple of minutes. He returned with the shovel I still had in my car.

"This feels even weirder the second time," he chuckled awkwardly.

"Are we leaving it there if it's still in the same place?" I asked, suddenly realizing that we hadn't talked about what we were going to do with the ring if we did still find it here.

"Yes," he said immediately. "I came here to bury the past, not dig it back up. I'm only trying to make sure it stayed buried."

"Okay," I said. "You know I wouldn't care if you wanted to take it back with us until this is over, right?"

"I know. But I need to leave it here for me."

"Okay, then," I said. "If we need to get back to the city, go clothes shopping, shower, and make a dinner reservation before going to the theater, we need to hurry this up."

Ezra sighed and started digging. All the way down to the bottom of the hole. And the ring was nowhere to be found. I chuckled, realizing what A.D. was trying to do with that picture. It wasn't going to work.

"I swear to God, I left it here," Ezra said.

"I know, babe," I said. "But now I know what A.D. was trying to do. They were trying to come between us by making me think that you'd dug the ring back up after I left you here."

"So what's going to happen to that ring now? That's my concern," he asked.

"As far as I'm concerned, there are two possibilities," I sighed. "Either A.D. tries to taunt us with it, or they deliver it to Nicole anonymously."

"Wonderful," Ezra sighed. "Well, I should probably re-fill this hole, and then we should get out of here."

When we walked back into the hotel room two hours later, we found an unwelcome delivery. On top of one of the dressers, there was a huge pile of dirt with the ring box sitting on top of it. With shaking hands, I opened the box. And the ring was gone. In its place was a folded piece of paper with a typewritten message on it.

 _The past never stays buried. And neither do secrets.  
-A.D._


End file.
